‘Two-thirds’ of people pine for a past holiday romance – a psychotherapist explains why
Spain, Greece and Italy were found to be hotspots for finding love abroad.
Nearly two-thirds of Brits believe a holiday romance from the past could have been their soulmate, according to new research.
A poll of 2,000 adults revealed six in ten (59%) still secretly think about someone they met on holiday as the one that got away – and Spain is the most likely location for love.
But according to experts, there’s a reason why flings in overseas locations might feel intense.
BACP-registered psychotherapist Sumeet Grover says it’s because travelling provides a unique set of circumstances.
“When we go on holidays, there is a sense of being free. There’s a sense of our guard being down.
“We are more open to the world, and especially if someone is single and they’re really looking for a relationship,” he says. “There is this openness of just wanting someone to see us or connect to us.”
The research, commissioned by Jet2, found that four in ten (41%) even secretly wonder how different their life might have been if they’d ended up with their holiday romance instead – if only they’d stayed in touch.
It turns out Spain (50%) is the nation’s hotspot for having a holiday romance, followed by Greece, Italy, France and Turkey.
And top places to meet someone include the hotel lobby, followed by the beach, local restaurants, the pool and local excursions.
Maybe unsurprisingly, most don’t last – with distance, communication and language barriers cited among the reasons.
Grover says there may be a reason that people believe feelings for their holiday fling to be deeper than they actually are.
“Idealisation is such a core, central element of holiday romances.”
We might idealise “how someone looks, how they sound, and how they respond to you”, he says. “Physical attraction, and I think idealisation is a core part of meeting someone on a holiday.”
The short-term nature of a holiday and the circumstances which give your romance a time limit, mean the connection between two people can feel unusually intense.
“I think the intensity also comes from the fact that it’s an experience of, let’s say, three days or five days and you’ve met someone. There is that sense of pressure, that I found this person with whom I feel this immediate connection, and I have to make the most of it.”
What’s missing is “the day-to-day frustration of life” that you’d experience back home, he notes.
When people leave the “ideal state” of a trip and go back home, “everything is less desirable outside of the holiday bubble”.
So how can we know if a holiday romance has potential for a relationship at home?
“I think it’s generally about how we hold each other’s needs in mind as we return home, and of course, the commitment conversation.”
The most important thing is to be transparent, he says.
“Are we looking for a long-term commitment? Are we looking at, ‘let’s just date and see what develops’? What are our long-term goals?
Sometimes people can be “so blinded by the perfection of the holiday romance” that they can assume the other person is looking for a long term relationship, when they might not be.
Grover suggests also asking questions like, how does it feel to be with the person day-to-day? Do you feel heard? Do they have the emotional maturity to tolerate difficult feelings? Do they have space for me and my thoughts, feelings and needs?
“All of these are such an important part of a relationship.”
Often, he says, when a person can’t deal with difficult feelings, “that’s when it fizzles out – because, for them, this was the deal, everything feels ‘perfect’.
“Now that the holiday is over, things don’t feel perfect.”