ADVICE COLUMN: Tips to help you if you're feeling overwhelmed by Christmas

Managing the run into Christmas

By Miriam Kavanagh, Counsellor and Psychotherapist 

Christmas is getting closer and at this stage, we are well and truly surrounded by the razzmatazz, like it or not.

Some are in their element, full of cheer and happiness. Others may feel they are drowning in the well of expectations that cannot be met, sadness around losses that are particularly sharply felt at this time of year, and feeling so removed from what appears to be the rest of the world, that they wonder if they can ever again feel a sense of connection.

For those in the latter category, what can one do to manage the situation?

A key thing to remember is that no matter how wonderful something may feel, it doesn’t last. Likewise, no matter how dreadful the feelings are, they too will not always be so bad. This is the human condition. We experience things in waves.

If you are feeling in the depths of despair right now, remind yourself that it did not always feel like this in the past and will not in the future. Keep this to the forefront of your mind. Write it on sticky notes and put them in obvious places.

Remind yourself of some time when you felt content and at ease with the world – whether it was a day in the garden, a walk you did, time you spent having a coffee with someone – some moment when you could honestly say to yourself “I’m ok”.

The time period we deem “Christmas” has come and gone for two thousand years and this one will be no different! Minimize your exposure to the demand to be “happy”. Instead, keep as a goal a middle road, a sense of being “Ok!, I may not be in high good spirits but I’m ok”. This is enough.

Focus on things that nourish your own inner sense of being ”ok” and make a list of these so that when the feelings of despair begin to creep in, you don’t have to dig too deeply to try and come up with a strategy to cope.

Note, I don’t say “snap out of it”.

Is there someone you can chat to when these feelings hit? Is there an activity you can do? Sometimes something as simple as mindfully having a hot drink or stroking a fluffy piece of material can bring a physical feeling of warmth that can help to break the feeling of being alone or left out. Have a playlist that soothes, a piece of poetry, or a book, that strengthens the connection to your sense of being “ok”.

If these feelings are longstanding or persistent, then please seek professional support. The Irish Council for Psychotherapy website may be of use in this regard.