Our 'throwaway' society needs to respect the elderly says Offaly influencer

Our magnificent grandparents, parents, our elderly and senior citizens have always paved the way for us and continue to teach us that love is never lost.

Just last weekend I attended a beautiful Mass on the World Day of Grandparents and Our Elderly to celebrate in gratefulness our wonderful grandparents, elderly and retired senior people in our parish and in our country for they have helped shape and pave the way for all of us so that we have the gifts, jobs and type of parish and country we have today.

One thing also that I have noticed from my many years living in Africa and Asia is that in tribal cultures the elderly and the people that have gone before them play and have played an important role. They are the keepers of that culture's memories and the holders of wisdom and proclaim their wishes and dreams for the future for the children and their children's children.

As such, the elderly in these far off places are honoured and respected members of those societies and cultures because they have paved the way for the future for their young. 

Psalm 71

But what I find now in many modern cultures, however, this is often not the case, especially when we see and read lately of how some of our elderly have been treated so appallingly. Many elderly people that I know say they feel ignored, left out, lost, undervalued and disrespected. This is a very sad commentary on modernization, globalization and urbanization.

It doesn’t have to be this way. We can change this situation by taking the time to examine our attitudes about the elderly and taking action for the betterment of life for them and for all our senior citizens and especially for those most in need. Modern societies tend to be obsessed with ideas of newness, youth and progress and that is a good thing but should not happen at the expense of our beautiful elderly.

We are all tempted to hide our vulnerability, to hide our illness, our age and our seniority, because we fear that they are the precursor to our loss of dignity. We should never have to hide old age or the fragility of old age because society needs to be taught and reformed to respect all seasons of life. I

n Psalm 71, in which the author, an elderly person, laments their many afflictions and misfortunes, and pleads to the Lord for help, expressing, in the end, hope and praise. The psalmist shows how the process of becoming more weak, fragile and vulnerable with advancing age becomes an opportunity for abandonment, deception and for prevarication and arrogance, which at times prey upon the elderly.

Life's Treasures

Even today, in this throwaway society, this throwaway culture, elderly people are cast aside and suffer these things. It is a form of gutlessness in which we specialize at times in this society of ours, where there are many people who take advantage of the elderly, to cheat them and to intimidate them in myriad ways. Shame and guilt should fall on those who take advantage of the weakness of illness and old age.

Such inhumanity and cruelty also occurs within families and we as a people should reflect on how we relate to our older relatives and older friends: Do I remember them? Do I go to visit them? Do I try to make sure they lack nothing? Do I respect them and talk with them to obtain wisdom? Remember that you, too, will become elderly. Old age comes for everyone. And we should always treat the elderly today as we would wish to be treated in our old age. Everyone in society must hasten to take care of the elderly for they are life's treasure. How is it that in these so-called modern times, which are supposed to be so advanced and efficient, we are so uncomfortable with sickness and old age? How is it that it hides illness and old age away somewhere?

And how is it that politics, which is so committed to defining the limits of a dignified survival, is at the same time insensitive to the dignity of a loving coexistence with the old and the sick? The author of the Psalm 71 first sees his old age as a defeat, then he rediscovers trust in the Lord. He feels the need to be helped. And he turns to God. This is a lesson for everyone to learn: that God never rejects the prayer of those in need of help and that we all need to abandon ourselves to the Lord, to invoke his help and to abandon oneself to the care of others. Pope Francis said, "The marginalization of the elderly — both conceptual and practical — corrupts all seasons of life, not just that of old age.”

Play a Part?

It’s a shame that society doesn’t do more to allow our elderly to continue to feel productive for the rest of their lives. We can all play a part in changing this. I was a guest at a retirement group get together recently and they were so inspirational to me and were full of life's ideas to help me with my work about how to help people in our country and in our world.

The elderly make wonderful storytellers and creating programs where they could share their real life experiences with others is another way to pave the way, educate and inspire other generations. Take stock of your relationship with the elderly population. Maybe you don’t really listen to them because you hold the belief that their time has passed and they are too old to understand what you are going through. You may even realize that you don’t have any relationships with older people. Try to understand why and how our cultural perception of the elderly influences the way you perceive them. 

Can We Help?

Some time ago, my Mom asked me to take her shopping to the shopping centre in town. I dragged along my two daughters as well with the offer of a surprise if they helped out. While we were on the way on foot from the car park of the shopping centre, my Mom suddenly slipped and fell. I knelt down and tried to lift her up but was not strong enough, and while I pulled, she lay spread out on the floor. My two daughters ran over to us all worried and upset for Nana. “Can we help? Will Nana be okay?" they asked worriedly. Together, we gently lifted Nana to her feet. She was a little bruised, tired and embarrassed, but otherwise unhurt. The girls then played away after they saw that Nana would be okay.

Their service lasted only a few minutes, but the memory of it will never leave me. In a world where children and young people are often accused of being self-centered and oblivious, here was proof that many wonderful children and young people have great empathy and love for our elderly and for their loved ones who have paved the way for them. The girls showed me even at their young age that they understood a fundamental truth about human dignity: The elderly deserve our respect, our admiration, our gratitude, our assistance and most of all our love and care.

Our elderly were once children and young people themselves, and then they poured out their lives for the generations of their children who would follow them. The wear and tear on their bodies and minds is a testament to all they gave of themselves, every year, every week, every day of their lives so that we could have a better life than in some ways they had. The hands that washed thousands of dishes now struggle to hold a cup. The eyes that looked on their families with love now strain to recognize the faces of their children. The feet that once danced around the kitchen now stumble in awkward, unbalanced half-steps. They gave all they had, and now they depend on the ones who were born after they were, to be there, to walk with them as the sun sets on the long day of their lives. These amazing people have such admirable strength, so much wisdom, so much to teach us. We should be flocking to them as people flock to celebrities, sitting at their feet and listening to their stories and learning all we can from them while they are still with us!

And yet, many old people are lonely. In the book, "Mother Teresa: In My Own Words", Saint Mother Teresa tells a story of a time she visited a “magnificent” home for senior citizens. The residents lacked nothing materially, but Mother noticed that no one smiled, and “they were all attentive to the door.” “Why doesn’t anybody smile? Why do they look constantly at the door?” she asked the religious sister who ran the place. “The same thing always happens,” the sister answered. “They are always waiting for someone to come visit them. They dream of a son or daughter, some member of the family, or a friend coming through that door to them.”

Mother Teresa goes on to explain that the poverty of these residents was their loneliness. “The poverty of having no one coming to visit them is the poverty that older people feel the most,” she says. Growing old is not easy for any of us. Just as my two daughters lifted up my Mom when she fell, we can help lift the spirits of the elderly when their spirits fall. If only we remember the elderly here on earth and ease their loneliness with our visits, we come closer to heaven by being with them. Even when it seems like they can’t communicate with us, recognize us, or know we’re there, we can show them our love, hug them, smile at them, talk to them, sit with them and most of all love them. No effort spent in love is ever lost. How much we gain simply by being in the presence of these people who have lived and given so much, these wonderful people who near the end of their journey, who are filled to the brim with life and want to pass it on to so many of us so that we can hopefully God willing have a better future.

Leave a Lesson

A son took his father to a restaurant to enjoy a delicious dinner. His Father was already a pretty old man, and therefore, a little weak, too. While he was eating, a little bit of food fell from time to time on his shirt and his trousers. The other diners watched the old man with their faces distorted by disgust, but his son remained calm. Once both guys were done eating, the son, without being remotely ashamed, helped with absolute peace of mind to his father and took him to the toilet.

Cleaned up the leftovers from his wrinkled face, and tried to wash the stains of food from his clothes; lovingly combed his gray hair and finally his  glasses. On the way out of the toilet, a profound silence reigned in the restaurant. No one could understand how it is that someone could do such a ridiculous thing in such a manner. The Son was going to pay the bill, but before he could leave, a man, also of advanced age, rose from the diners, and asked the son of the old man: " don't you think that you've left something here? "

The young man replied: "No, I haven't missed anything". Then the stranger said to him :" Yes you've left something! You left a lesson here for each child, and a hope for every parent!" The entire restaurant was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. One of the biggest honors that exist is being able to take care of those older adults who cared for us too. Our parents, and all those elderly who sacrificed their lives, with all of their time, money and effort by us, deserve our utmost respect. If you also feel respect for older adults, please share this thought for the week with others.

Thought for the week

As your thought for the week, remember that each day is a gift and that many of our elderly and aged grandparents, parents, friends and relatives helped to provide us with such a gift. Resolve to be more aware of the elderly in our society for they are our mothers, fathers, grandparents, family, mentors, work colleagues, wise folk and the pioneers that came before us and paved the way for our future and we must now also do the same for our own children's future.

Let me finish with the Prayer for the second World Day for Grandparents and the Elderly as follows - "I give thanks to you, Lord, For the blessing of a long life. For, to those who take refuge in You, grant always to bear fruit. Forgive, O Lord, resignation and disillusionment, but forsake me not when my strength declines. Teach me to look with hope to the future you give me and to the mission you entrust to me and to sing your praises without end. Make me a tender craftsperson of Your revolution and to always guard with love my children, grandchildren and all the little ones of our world who seek shelter in You. Protect, O Lord, Pope Francis and grant your church to deliver the world from loneliness. And to always direct our steps in the way of peace.

Amen