Government’s plan for change ‘like a fat beef cow with unnecessary flatulence’

Shadow Commons leader Jesse Norman has described the Government’s plan for change as a “fine, fat Herefordshire beef cow” due to it being “full of nutrition but with a certain amount of unnecessary flatulence”.

Leader of the House of Commons Lucy Powell said Mr Norman’s criticisms were “strange and confused” as she encouraged him to “work on his Christmas jokes”.

Last week Sir Keir Starmer set out the Government’s plan for change, which included six “milestones” which he said would allow the public to “hold our feet to the fire” on the missions he set for himself before the election.

During Business Questions in the Commons, Mr Norman launched a festive attack on the Government’s new initiatives.

He said: “I think the whole House should welcome the fact that the Government now has a plan, only 14 years and seven months after it first started in Opposition, and that its plan is to change direction.

“But I would describe the plan for change as like a fine, fat Herefordshire beef cow that has been inadequately fed with the Reform party’s favourite anti-methane feed supplement, Bovaer.

“It is a beast full of nutrition but with a certain amount of unnecessary flatulence.

“A lot of media commentators have had fun with the Government’s blizzard of to-do lists, including its six first steps, six milestones, five national missions and three foundations but I’m afraid they’ve missed the whole Christmas spirit of the thing.

“All we need now are policy announcements on turtle doves and partridges in pear trees to complete its new initiatives advent calendar.”

He added: “The plan for change is a revolutionary gospel indeed, honest about the poor performance of the last Labour government, realistic in not seeking to blame governments for wider global events, seeking to adopt a longer term approach and to recognise the need to limit tax and spending.

Mr Norman also specifically raised the omission of defence and social care from the plan for change.

In her reply, Ms Powell said she expected “a little bit more Christmas cheer” from her Conservative counterpart, and felt his contribution was “rather strange and confused”.

“Perhaps he can work on his Christmas jokes a bit more ahead of next week’s Business questions,” she said.

Ms Powell continued: “Let me share some merry news instead, we are making the big changes people voted for – rebuilding Britain and fixing the mess that they left us, reshaping the state and society to put ordinary people at the front of the queue.”

The Commons leader described Mr Norman’s claims that defence and social care had been left out of the Government’s plans as “his best Christmas joke yet”.

She said: “We won’t take any lectures from them, I’m afraid on that, because the truth is, we’re six weeks into the new Leader of the Opposition’s tenure, and their strategy for Opposition is as clear as mud.

“They seem to have learnt nothing. They’ve got no new ideas. They disown their record one day and defend it the next.

“Perhaps instead of his ridiculous, tired commentary, they could reflect and apologise for the mess that they left, and ensure the country gets the change it deserves.”