Mum who halted career for autistic son says ‘impossible doesn’t exist’ after studying medicine at 35

A pharmacist who gave up her career to support her severely autistic son before enduring a difficult divorce has said “impossible doesn’t exist” after successfully pursuing her lifelong dream to study medicine aged 35, opening a small cafe to make ends meet and cover her university fees, and launching her own aesthetics clinic.

Dr Ros Jabar, 51, who lives in Cardiff, Wales, worked as a pharmacist from 1997 and said she was the “breadwinner” in her semi-arranged first marriage, earning about £65,000 annually to support her family, including her son Jamil, now 22, who was nonverbal at the time due to his severe autism, and daughter Yasmin, 21.

While Ros was able to provide for her family, she claims she was called “a bad woman and a bad wife” as she did not want to be the “traditional” stay-at-home mother.

In order to pay the bills, look after her children, and secure some funds to pay for university, she opened a cafe called Jabar’s Hut – a name inspired by Star Wars’ Jabba the Hutt and her surname – which was a “roaring success”, and she then got a place at Cardiff University’s School of Medicine, aged 35.

After overcoming so many obstacles, Ros said “impossible doesn’t exist in her repertoire” as there is “no law on Earth saying you can’t do it”.

“I think they were all expecting a little, quiet, gentle Asian lady, with not much fire behind her, but they got what we call in my culture, my language, Maheena Thalijara Pathan,” she said.

“Maheena means smooth, Thalijara means noble, and Pathan means warrior.

Ros studied pharmacy at De Montfort University in Leicester before starting her job as a locum pharmacist in 1997.

She then got married in 1999 before having two children, Jamil and Yasmin.

“I was working as a locum pharmacist for a while, supporting my little family – and I found out very early on that my son had a severe form of autism,” Ros said.

Ros felt “guilty” being a working mother, but she was career-driven and wanted to provide for her family.

However, she said the lack of support from her ex-husband led to her quitting her job before the marriage eventually broke down.

“I was looking after everything, looking after everyone, doing the bills, being the wife – you name it, I did it,” Ros said.

This is when she decided to pursue her dream of becoming a doctor – but she had to find the funds to pay for university and retake her A-Levels to improve her chances.

“In the background, I had a little plan going in my head, because when you have children, you have no choice – you are driven to look for solutions constantly,” Ros said.

“I think women are in this constant state of flux when they have a child; all they want to look at is how they protect that child and keep that child in a safe place.

Ros begged her local council to allow her to open a small cafe outside the museum in Cardiff, which would later be called Jabar’s Hut, serving a fusion of Indian and Italian homemade foods and coffee, and she re-took her A-Levels in that same year in 2004, ending up with all A* or A grades.

After securing enough money to pay for her first year of university, she battled to obtain her place at Cardiff University, but she was mocked and faced with constant rejection.

She went to a careers fair and spoke to a Cardiff University ENT consultant, explaining how she had “always wanted to be a doctor”, and he said: “I’ll eat my hat if you get an interview.”

“It was the most surreal experience,” Ros said.

“I cannot tell you, that news was the best news ever – and I thought, I’m going to become a doctor.”

Ros said her ex-husband left her on the day she started her five-year degree, but looking back now, she feels “it was the best thing he could have done”.

With the help of Saj, who was just a friend at the time, she then opened a local pharmacy in 2009, which provided an income of £80 a week to support herself and her two children.

She and her ex-husband finalised their divorce in 2010, and after graduating in 2012, then undertook some courses in aesthetics, specifically Botox and dermal fillers.

She later began working part-time as a polytrauma doctor at the University Hospital of Wales, allowing her to “bring the two worlds together” – jobs she “absolutely loves”.

Ros hopes to empower other women and has even set up her own training programme, called Calla Aesthetics Training, which aims to educate medics and non-medics to become aesthetic practitioners at the highest level.

Ros has overcome so many obstacles, but she said “her passion is making people feel good and supported” and she would describe herself as a “warrior” as she has had to fight for her success.

To find out more, visit: www.callatraining.com