‘Our parents died from cancer nine months apart when we were just 25 – it was a really scary time’

A woman who lost both of her parents within nine months of each other when she was 25 has spoken of the difficulty of caring for sick parents in a “really scary” time.

Ellen Goodwin, now 29, lost both of her parents to cancer in a nine-month period from 2021 to 2022. She and her twin sister, Laura, took on caring responsibilities at home throughout their parents’ illnesses, and while they said they would do anything to keep them comfortable, it was difficult to intimately care for their mum and dad as their illnesses took hold.

Ellen and Laura’s dad, Ralph, was diagnosed with incurable neuroendocrine cancer – a rare cancer originating from nerve and gland cells in the body, most commonly in the digestive system or lungs – in December 2019.

A landscape gardener, Ralph “loved being outside, and if he wasn’t doing gardening elsewhere, he’d be in the garden here,” Ellen told PA Real Life.

While Ralph’s cancer made him unwell, Ellen said he was “relatively okay” for several months following his diagnosis, having immunotherapy and chemotherapy which prolonged his life.

However, just over a year later in January 2021, Ellen and Laura’s mum, Jeannette, was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer.

Jeannette, who worked as a hairdresser, was Ellen and Laura’s “best friend”.

“She loved a gossip,” Ellen said.

“She was just really chatty, and really funny and lovely… We’d always go out shopping and for a drink. We had a really good relationship.”

Jeannette “declined quite quickly”, Ellen said.

Stents are used for people with oesophageal cancer to keep the oesophagus – which transports food and liquids through to the stomach – open, and it can help improve swallowing when a tumour causes an obstruction.

Shortly after having her stent fitted, Jeannette ended up needing a hospital stay, returning home for around a week before she was admitted into her local hospice.

Jeannette died at the age of 60 in October 2021.

After he was discharged, Ellen and Laura cared for him at home, with support from Marie Curie’s Urgent Hospice Care at Home team.

“It was hard,” Ellen said of this period.

“He was obviously sad as well. So having to deal with that, and him being unwell, trips to the hospital and everything…

“It was really scary. It was a scary time, and I think a lot of it now kind of feels like a bit of a blur.

“But definitely, without Marie Curie… You don’t think at that age that you’re going to have to face things like that, I had no idea what any of it would bring, but they definitely helped with knowing what was going to happen, what was coming, and helping us even afterwards, because as soon as someone dies, you’re like, ‘oh gosh, I don’t know what you’re meant to do’…

“I think it’s really important, because when you’re 25-years-old, you don’t think you’re going to have to face something like this. And knowing that you’re not going to be on your own, and there are things that are there to help you and support you, I don’t genuinely know what you do without it…

“Not having that support, it would be hard.”

“But for my dad, when he was at home, it was hard for us both – obviously, he wouldn’t have ever wanted us to ever have to do any personal care and stuff like that,” she said.

“But you just had to, and it was really hard. And it was hard to see him like that as well, to watch him pass away.

“He was such a kind, caring man and quite proud, and he would have never wanted us to have to do that for him. But obviously we wouldn’t ever not do something.”

In the aftermath of their loss, Ellen and Laura continued to be supported by Marie Curie’s team, as well as their family, friends, and their parents’ friends – who Ellen said have been “so supportive – they still come around now, all the time”.

“I obviously was down at the time, but I’ve got a lot of friends and family to support me,” Ellen said, adding that she knows Marie Curie is still there for them “even now – if I needed it, then I know I would have somewhere to go”.

“I’ve done quite a lot of fundraising for Marie Curie since, with different running challenges. I did the Dublin marathon in October, which was really good, and raised money for Marie Curie as well.

“I think that’s probably been quite a good focus for me, to have a goal, something to work towards, and also to give back to Marie Curie for everything that they did for us.”

If you’re living with a terminal illness or have been affected by dying, death or bereavement, Marie Curie can help. Visit mariecurie.org.uk or call the free Marie Curie Support Line on 0800 090 2309. To donate and support Marie Curie’s Great Daffodil Appeal this March, visit: Mariecurie.org.uk/daffodil