Thomas is Fishing In Search of Hope

“Drink took over absolutely every part of my life.”

This is the searingly honest insight of Thomas Campbell.

Thomas spoke to Derry Now about his alcoholism, gratitude to the Northlands treatment centre, fishing, and finally being in a good place.

In his inspiring interview, Thomas (37) recalled having to leave Northlands on March 20, 2020, a day few of us will forget soon, at the onset of the covid restrictions. 

Thomas Campbell.

“I went into Northlands at the start of 2020. My six-week residential time there was cut short because of covid but I continued working with the counsellors over Zoom.

“When you finish your initial six weeks at Northlands, you go on to an aftercare programme which lasts for two. My aftercare is now finished.”

Before he turned to Northlands, Thomas said drink had taken over absolutely every part of his life.

He added: “Growing up Bishop Street, there were five or six bars within a two minute walking distance. Drink would always have been a big part of my life but from my early 20s it escalated. It was just a gradual progress. 

“I originally went to Northlands back in 2013 to ask for help with my drinking. I didn’t want to stop drinking, I wanted to learn how to control my drinking but that’s not possible. If you are an alcoholic, you cannot control drinking. It is either all or nothing. They always say, we do nothing by half measures. It is all or nothing. 

“This is when my drinking then escalated. I had a daughter in 2014 but my drinking then started to become hidden drinking. I would have hidden drink about the house and pretended I was not drinking. Whenever I was with my daughter, I was always clock-watching to see when her mum was coming back, so I could have a drink. Although I would have denied it, there were times when I was drinking when she was there too. 

“When my daughter was about two and a half years old, my former partner put a stop on me seeing her. Although I blamed her for that, the reality was it was me. It was my fault. My drinking stopped me from seeing my daughter. There was nobody else to blame.”

Thomas said at that time he blamed everybody for everything. 

“I blamed my family. I blamed my friends, my partner. Everybody got blamed for something, so I would not have to take responsibility for anything. 

“By this time I had fallen out with my family, so I wasn’t speaking to my family and I wasn’t seeing my daughter. My friends had also started drifting away. I would have lied about why I didn’t see anybody or nobody would be around. My relationships didn’t last because, eventually, the drinking side would come out.

“This all came to a head around the middle of 2019. My drinking was really bad at that stage. I lost really good jobs. I was drinking all day, every day. Any chance I got I was drinking. I was finishing work and going and getting a carryout. I would sit in the house and drink. I was drinking before I went to work. I was drinking during lunch breaks, any chance I could get to drink. 

“I had to be half cut to function. So, If I wasn’t drinking, I would have had really bad tremors or shakes or my hands would cramp a lot. So, if I wasn’t drinking a half bottle to even myself out, then it would have been worse. There was one time I drove to work and I could not remember how I got there,” said Thomas.

Thomas eventually  lost his driving licence to drink driving. 

“I knew it was coming. It was inevitable. Looking back now, I think it was a good thing I did lose it but don’t get me wrong, at the time, I blamed everybody else for me losing my licence. 

“In 2019 I had 100 sick days off work. I was waking up in the morning and waiting for the off licence to open at 9 o’clock. I was drinking in the morning to get blackout drunk. The quicker I could get blackout drunk the better. 

“I was drinking all day, every day, sitting in the house. I would not have eaten or slept for seven or eight days at a time. I had depression, anxiety through the roof. My anxiety got that bad at one time that somebody walked past the house and I freaked out and hid in the bathroom for three days. 

“At one point, I was actually going drinking when I was telling people I had attended an Alcoholics’ Anonymous (AA)  meeting,” said Thomas.

Thomas said he now realised he was not fooling anybody.

Chillingly he recalled: “It all came to a head when I was found ‘out the line’. I went to walk the dog and I took a litre bottle of vodka and I was found lying unconscious, passed out drunk, on the train tracks, ‘out the line’. That Christmas, I ended up in Altnagelvin hooked up to a drip. 

“I knew then I could not continue drinking. If you looked back seven years before that I had everything, a great job, a family, a home, a car but I gave everything up for drink. 

“Now I say, ‘I gave up everything for one thing but now I have given up one thing for everything’. 

“The day I got sober was January 22, 2020. I rang Northlands and made an appointment to go over and see them. It had come to a point where I knew I had to stop drinking or I wasn’t going to live. It was one or the other, stop drinking or die,” said Thomas.

During this time, Thomas heard how much his drinking had affected and hurt his family.

He said: “It didn’t bother me when I was drinking. Getting sober and having to listen to it was really, really hard but, it was time for me to take my own hurt and own it for what it was.

“I got myself a sponsor from AA. We actually set up an AA group via WhatsApp because we could not meet up in person. 

“It’s weird. Whenever you get sober, you have to learn to know yourself. For 20 years I covered up emotions and feelings with drink. I also got support from the aftercare group, supporters who have been through Northlands, people with long sobriety. I found that great. I never missed any aftercare meetings.

“I now do overnights in Northlands every week, to show people there is hope. I also started fishing. It is really great for your mental health and wellbeing when you are connecting with nature. So, I started a fishing group, which just escalated. We call the group FISH - Fishing in Support of Hope. I am currently working with the Western Trust to try and get fishing socially prescribed, for people who might present with depression or anxiety,” said Thomas.

Thomas now sees his daughter again and has recently welcomed a new baby. 

“I am speaking to family all the time. I was at my brother’s wedding recently. 

“I can’t believe how much my life has changed since I gave up drink. I now have a life that I never thought was possible. I have my licence back, my own house, friends and chat to my mammy all the time.”

Fishing In Support of Hope can be contacted through Thomas Campbell on Facebook.