It’s Good To Talk: Stress and how to manage it

Are you feeling stressed? We all do from time-to-time however if you find it seeping into your life too much and causing distress it’s time to look at it. Stress is our body’s reaction to change and most of us associate stress as being negative but often the ‘good’ stress is not talked about. This is eustress from the Greek word EU meaning good. Good stress is beneficial as it energises us and keeps us motivated. You might experience good stress when you are preparing for a holiday, when you are about to score a goal or give a speech. 

Good stress can also produce physical symptoms such as butterflies in the tummy or a feeling of excitement and anticipation - unlike negative stress which produces uncomfortable and overwhelming feelings and emotions.We are looking for the Goldilocks zone of stress, not too much, not too little stress, just the right amount. 

Too little stress means we are likely to be unmotivated and become bored and too much can lead to experiencing overwhelm and burnout. The question is, how do we get the right balance? 

Self-awareness

The first thing we can look at is your self-awareness and your relationship with stress. The ability to tune into the body and mind and ask yourself questions like, “what’s going on with me right now?”, “am I ok”, “what do I need right now?” Sometimes we can feel ‘out of sorts’ but may not always be sure as to why, so asking yourself those questions can help with bringing a sense of awareness and understanding of what you are experiencing.

 Many symptomsStress can produce many symptoms such as poor concentration, a feeling of dread/worry, muscle tension, headaches, anger, fatigue and anxiety to name but a few. When people feel stressed they are likely to sleep more, or sleep less, pull back from company, often preferring to isolate themselves.

It is common for people to engage in negative coping mechanisms such as use and abuse of alcohol and drugs, more time on social media and unfortunately the list goes on. Our relationship with food can also change during time of stress - going from loss of appetite to emotional eating. Comfort or binge eating is also very common due to the body craving high sugar/fat foods to cope with the release of cortisol during stress periods. 

Guilt

These negative coping mechanisms are counter-productive for the management of stress and they often lead on to the person feeling guilty of the use of these crutches, giving added negative feelings to the stress already there.  During periods of heightened stress it can often be the ‘straw that breaks the camel’s back’ that produces the overwhelm reaction to someone saying or doing something – with that might come anger, which frequently leads to guilt around your reaction to the situation. 

Can you see the pattern that stress can have? It’s producing emotions which often block getting to get to the route of the problem - THE STRESS! Sometimes we simply need to S.T.O.P when we are experiencing stress. This is an acronym for Stop, Take time out, Observe and Proceed. 

Stop - That might mean getting back in the car, leaving the room, telling someone you will call them back, closing down the laptop or saying nothing until you are in a better place. It’s giving yourself time and your fight or flight response time to calm down to prevent you reacting in a way that may not be good for you both physically or emotionally. 

Time out – adults need time out too. That break however small might just be enough to manage whatever emotions are coming and often stress is never far from the emotion of anger. When we experience anger we need time to process rather than react. Headspace allows you time to make wise decisions on how you use your anger as a result of stress. 

Stress is our body’s reaction to change

Observe – Check-in with what is going on with you in terms of your thoughts, your emotions and what are you physically feeling in your body? Breathing can be extremely helpful at this time. There are many breathing techniques - find the one that suits you best. My preference is the 5,5, 5 rule which, simply put, is breathing in for 5 seconds (tap your finger tips to count) hold for 5 seconds and breath out for 5 seconds. Repeat this three times. This resets the parasympathetic nervous system which controls our fight-flight response and tells our body we are ok which can, in turn, reduce your physical symptoms. It can also help to sip cold water or run your wrists under cold water. These suggestions are also helpful for anxiety which too often goes hand-in-hand with stress. 

Proceed – Hopefully now you are in a calmer frame of mind to either go back to whatever situation you are dealing with or make a decision on what you would like to do in the moment to address how you are feeling.

Management 

Now that we have looked at the management of the overwhelm it’s really important to look at the actual management of the stress that caused that overwhelm – so let’s look at our 5 A’s of stress management. 

Avoid- Audit your stress, look at different areas of your life and see what stress can be avoided. Learning  to say no to certain situations and creating healthy boundaries around people that are adding to your stress will be helpful. Maybe you might create a ‘to do’ list to organise yourself better or perhaps you might decide to cut things off your list. Maybe you are spinning too many plates so to speak. Maybe your home or office environment is not set up as you would like it in terms of relaxation or functionality or you might need to declutter! Avoid being late and avoid procrastination as best you can as these can really add to people’s stress however also be aware that being stressed can cause procrastination in some cases, often it can be a case of which came first!

Alter – how you communicate with others, this includes work and is particularly important for those that work from home. Keep work to work time. Know your limits. Address difficult behaviours that you are encountering in personal relations and also with friends and colleagues. Take ownership where necessary by addressing your feelings with “I” statements. Communicate your emotions and be mindful of energy drainers and energy radiators. Alter how you are using your time and energy and be mindful who you are giving both of these precious gifts to. Your times is precious, use it wisely. It’s ok to say no!

Accept. Often acceptance can bring great peace, sometimes ‘it is, what it is” hindsight might be an unwelcome visitor at times so try not to entertain it. Many of us would change things in hindsight but we are often reflecting on that from a different mindset in the ‘here and now’ and most people do what they think is best at that time so be kind to yourself when you look back. Accept that times there will be negative thoughts however you do not have to entertain them or engage in negative self-talk. Put down that stick that you beat yourself up with. Talking to loved ones and friends can be helpful in coming to a place of acceptance, airing out your thoughts can often give clarity and be extremely helpful with stress.

Adapt – Learn how to manage expectations and being realistic with situations can help with adapting to stress. Catching your thoughts and reframing them can help you change perspective. Pushing yourself to the limit for perfection will be very unhelpful and add unnecessary pressure. Gratitude can also help with adapting to situations. It helps to balance out the negatives that stress can cause and reduce emotional and physical distress. 

Active – being out in nature is good for you and your mental health on many levels including the release of our good hormones dopamine and serotonin. You do not have to run a marathon or swim the channel,  a stroll around the house is better than fretting inside the four walls or even having your cup of tea standing at the door will be a mental break and we all need breaks, they are a necessity not a luxury.

Self-care 

Self-care during stress is very important and that really is minding yourself, showing yourself some love and compassion, having a gentle word with yourself that is will be ok and lastly being less harsh on yourself. You can be your best friend and your best ally against stress and please don’t’ forget the good, ‘healthy’ stress too! All good wishes Tracy x