Barrtalk: The world returns to its axis; Alan Partridge is back!

Aha! At last! Alan Partridge is back on our screens with a long-awaited new BBC show, a spoof documentary series entitled 'How Are You? It's Alan (Partridge)'.

I was very late to the Partridge party, having only really discovered him during the covid-19 lockdown era, when we all scrambled to find light-hearted television that would sustain us through the hunkering-down period.

That means I was almost thirty years behind the times in fact, with Alan having first been brought into existence by the amazing comic writer and performer Steve Coogan way back in 1991.

Since then, Alan has come and gone into our lives periodically; always bringing hands-over-the-mouth cringe and belly-laughter in unequal measure – and it’s great to have him back once more.

'I don't want to live with Alan but I do like to visit him,' Coogan concedes.

How would you describe Partridge? Wikipedia describes him as “an incompetent and tactless television and radio presenter, with an inflated sense of importance and celebrity.” And who am I to argue with that?

He’s done so well by Coogan that it’s impossible not to forget sometimes that Alan isn’t actually real.

Born with an incurable case of foot-in-mouth disease, Partridge has come out with some crackers over the years, but I think the following might just be my favourite quote ever, summing up the complexities of his character in one line.

“I’m 47; my girlfriend’s 33. She’s 14 years younger than me. Back of the net!”

Or how about Alan on the radio: “That was ‘Big Yellow Taxi’ by Joni Mitchell, a song in which Joni complains they ‘paved paradise to put up a parking lot’, a measure which actually would have alleviated traffic congestion on the outskirts of paradise, something which Joni singularly fails to point out, perhaps because it doesn’t quite fit in with her blinkered view of the world. Nevertheless, nice song.”

Pure genius.

I’m reminded of a quote about Miles Davis and his jazz band from the late 1960s. Those guys are not ahead of their time; they ARE the time.

It’s the same for Steve Coogan, whose unmatched comedy IS the time. He’s also a United fan, which always helps, particularly these days when we’re hunkering down ourselves.

Donegal is Thai capital, believe it or not!

Of all the things you’d associate Donegal with – spectacular scenic coastlines, hills, stormy weather and always voting No in government referenda – I’d have thought that Thai food would be pretty far down the list.

Not so, however.

In fact, new research by Tesco has revealed that Donegal is something of a 'hotspot' for Thai food.

The supermarket giant has revealed how shoppers in Donegal spend nearly 20 per cent more than the average Tesco customer on Thai cuisine.

As someone who’s never eaten Thai food [nor shopped in a Tesco in Donegal, for that matter], I can’t offer much insight here.

Suffice to say, though, I’m intrigued about what I might be missing.

Incidentally, the best name ever for a Thai restaurant is on Belfast’s glorious Lisburn Road: ThaiTanic Cuisine.

Unbeatable [unsinkable]!

Why do women have long hair?

I vowed in last week’s Barrtalk that I wouldn’t revisit Trump this week. And I won’t. At least not THAT Trump.

Instead, the subject, of sorts, is Mrs Trump, who, believe it or not, is the first ‘First Lady’ in the modern era to have hair below her shoulders.

Apparently, it’s part of a growing trend for women to keep their hair longer as they get older, amid much better hair treatments for those who can afford them. And let’s face it, money aint gonna be much of a problem when it comes to Melania’s hair.

She’ll probably have flowing golden brown locks until she’s in her nineties, which will be in about 35 years’ time.

I read an interesting article in the New York Times about why women have long hair in the first place. Long story short [no pun intended], it’s because hair is never just hair!

The Times says hair is “a repository of all sorts of cultural preconceptions”, with a deep history. Yikes.

Long hair for women was associated with childhood, maidenhood, and fertility. As a result, cutting it, or at least pinning it up, was a sign of maturity, of becoming part of the establishment.

There’s been a swing towards longer hair of late, though. Even Demi Moore, at 62, has long, flowing, shiny locks, which she says she'll never cut short again.

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Many have attributed the move as some sort of reflection of conservatism and traditional values. But mostly it comes down to affluence. Doesn’t everything?

“It requires a certain amount of money to maintain its shiny lushness,” explains Linda Wells, the editor of Air Mail Look, adding: “Hair supplements like Nutrafol and Omi have taken off in recent years.”

All of it is a far cry from the barber’s of Moville, when I used to go in there and sit on the wee red box to boost myself up on the big seat, so Paddy didn’t have to stoop too low with the scissors.

Which reminds me of the joke going round at the time: Did you hear the barber’s not cutting hair any longer?

Nah; he’s cutting it shorter.