‘Losing my mum in a car accident while I was at uni was life-shattering – that grief is always going to be there’

A keen footballer who lost his mum in a car accident is encouraging the public to support a charity which helped him deal with grieving and to “get back to being me”.

Ethan Karpuk, now 22, from Cambridge, was in his third year of university in April 2024 when he received a “life-shattering” call to say his mum, Lisa, had been killed in a crash.

He said that in that moment, his world came crashing down as he had to come to terms with life without his mum.

Ethan, who has a 20-year-old sister and two brothers aged 12 and 14, is now raising awareness for the charity, Grief Encounter, which provides free support to children and young people dealing with bereavement.

Ethan, who studied history at the University Of York, was preparing for his final exams when his mum died, and said it was perhaps “fate” that he had gone home to visit her shortly beforehand.

“Luckily, I’d gone back and we spent the day together,” he told PA Real Life.

“I had not come back from university that often, so it was kind of fate, whatever you want to call it.

“It was very sudden and unexpected. I think for context, I was in a really difficult place beforehand as well. At university, I was really struggling with my studies, not enjoying football, and that was obviously very chaotic. And then obviously to lose mum as well was life-shattering.”

Ethan, who plays for the James College Football Club, said he was left in a “bad place” after his mum died.

“I was at my lowest point, and I didn’t really know where to turn,” he said.

“I knew that I needed help. I’m very much an advocate for mental health, and I was thinking: I do need help, I do need to speak to someone.”

He said his aunt, who works for the NHS, gave him advice and he was referred to Grief Encounter in May 2024.

He continued: “Grief Encounter were able to offer me what I needed, which was specialist therapy for grief.

“And we literally got straight into it. My therapist was amazing. She was called Joanna, and they were able to offer me online sessions where I could basically think about everything and just really piece myself back together. It was vital to just getting back to being me, really.

“Week by week, I got better and better. I’ve always been good at reflecting. So I put the work in as well, but then also with the specialist help I got I’ve just been going from strength to strength.

“I’ve been sorting myself out and getting myself to a place where I was even better than before, leading up to the months where I lost mum.”

Ethan said the healing process is still going on.

He continued: “The journey of grief never ends. I always say that grief is the incurable disease, and it’s something that goes on for the rest of your life.

“It never gets easier, you’re just able to cope with it better. And that’s the kind of specialist help that Grief Encounter gave me.”

One of the most powerful steps in his journey came when he wrote and delivered a speech to his football teammates about his mum and the importance of supporting others through grief, which he said helped him “find my voice again”.

“It was really good for me personally, but also, a great thing for the charity having people like me telling their story,” he said.

“I think that’s the thing about grief – it’s such a difficult subject, especially for people my age as well. It was really nice to speak openly to my friends and the whole football club about my journey, the help that I received, and what Grief Encounter do for people going forward.

“On a personal note, it was very touching to open myself up to people in the crowd that, obviously, I’ve been very close with. Some of them I knew very intimately, some of them I didn’t know at all.

“I had grown men crying, coming up to me and telling their story as well.”

Ethan is now involved with fundraising and raising awareness for Grief Encounter.

The charity’s recent research shows that more than a quarter (27%) of young people who have lost a parent say they think about their grief several times a day, while one in five (20%) people bereaved as children say they spent their entire childhood consumed by grief or that it stopped them from enjoying hobbies or activities they once loved.

A quarter (24%) say their school or academic performance suffered, and around one in five (21%) report that their grief still impacts them as adults.

Ethan said he is thrilled to be able to support the charity.

“I’ve had such an amazing relationship with them, and now I’m helping out with fundraising and other events as well,” he said.

“It’s not only just about fundraising, it’s also about spreading awareness and educating as well.”

Ethan said he was also very excited to attend a charity event where he met former professional footballer Gianfranco Zola.

“I’m a massive Chelsea fan, so he was kind of like an idol to me,” he added.

Ethan is now back home, living with his grandparents in Cambridge. Describing his family as “very close”, he said he and his dad have been using football to support his two younger brothers, “which has been a really good outlet”.

He said: “I’m keeping myself busy with football and obviously helping with Grief Encounter, and then looking for a job and getting myself ready to re-enter the world.

“I’m 23 soon. It’s my second birthday without mum, but I’m actually looking forward to it this year, and obviously Christmas as well.”

Ethan said he will always remember her “being an amazing mum to us, but also to her colleagues or anyone that ever met her”.

“I feel like that’s the kind of inspiration I want to bring forward,” he added.

“Grief Encounter has been able to help me get to a point where I can look forward to stuff and celebrate it. But I think grief is always going to be there.”

Grief Encounter has been providing free, professional and specialist bereavement support services for children and young people for nearly two decades.

Its Ease The Pain funding appeal is running alongside Children’s Grief Awareness Week from November 17 to 23.

Suzy Turner-Jones, chief executive of Grief Encounter, said: “Ethan’s bravery in telling his story truly captures the heart of our mission.

“At Grief Encounter, we strive to ensure that every bereaved child feels seen, supported, and given the chance to heal. Our Ease The Pain campaign helps make that possible.”

A link to the donation page can be found here: https://www.fundnation.org/griefencounter