Mother and workout coach who lost first two babies during pregnancy to rare conditions credits fitness for ‘saving’ her

A mother and fitness coach who experienced baby loss during her first two pregnancies as a result of two rare and unrelated health conditions said “fitness, without a doubt, saved me”.

Jade Millner and her partner, Dan Whytock, both 35, discovered they were expecting their first child, named Peter, in 2020 but it was found their baby had developed a serious and rare genetic disorder called Patau’s syndrome during a three-month ultrasound scan.

Sadly, the baby died in the womb and was later removed during an operation, Jade said, and the following year the couple, from Bishop’s Stortford, Hertfordshire, found out they were pregnant again with a baby named Oscar.

During a three-month ultrasound scan, it was found the baby had gastroschisis, where a defect, or hole, develops in the abdominal wall, which prevented Oscar from growing normally and would result in “severe complications” – and the couple made the “impossible” decision to terminate the pregnancy.

Jade, the founder of EmpowerMe, a women’s online training programme, could not eat or sleep in her grief and she “couldn’t stop crying”, prompting her to seek solace through journaling and fitness.

Now a mother to three healthy children, Leo, aged two, and five-month-old twin girls Esme and Raya, Jade has urged other women who have experienced baby loss to “try and see light” as she highlighted the importance of “talking about what you are going through”.

“Fitness, without a doubt, saved me,” Jade told PA Real Life.

“I started to appreciate what my body could do, and not hate my body, or hate myself.

“It started to become a privilege to train, a privilege to try and take care of my body.

“It gave me the strength to know ‘I can do this’.”

Jade and Dan discovered they were expecting their first child, named Peter, in November 2020.

During a three-month ultrasound scan however, it was discovered Peter had sadly died in the womb as a result of Patau’s syndrome.

According to the NHS, Patau’s syndrome is a serious, rare genetic disorder caused by having an additional copy of chromosome 13 in some or all of the body’s cells.

The disorder, which affects around one in every 4,000 births, severely disrupts normal development and, in many cases, results in miscarriage, stillbirth or the baby dying shortly after birth, the NHS says.

Jade said she underwent an “intense” operation at a medical clinic to “remove Peter from (her)” in February 2021.

“It was excruciating afterwards and there was a lot of bleeding that I was not prepared for,” she said.

Keen to “try again”, the couple found out Jade was pregnant in October 2021, with a baby they decided to name Oscar.

An “abnormality” was detected on a three-month ultrasound scan however, and Jade was referred to the Royal London Hospital for further checks, where she said she met “the most incredible team”.

There, it was discovered Oscar had gastroschisis – a condition where the baby develops a defect, or hole, in the abdominal wall while still inside the womb, according to the NHS.

The condition, which occurs in around one in every 7,000 births, causes some of the bowel to escape through the hole and continue to develop outside the baby’s abdomen.

“It is something that can be fixed at birth, so we just forever tried to stay hopeful,” Jade said.

“Every time we had checks though, things weren’t great and it was felt the gastroschisis was preventing Oscar’s limbs from growing – things weren’t functioning how they should have been.”

The couple said they were informed Oscar had paralysis in his limbs, and he would suffer with “several and severe” health complications.

Jade said she and Dan were “asked to make a decision” about whether they wanted to continue with the pregnancy.

Becoming emotional, Jade said: “You’re choosing to end his life – his life could potentially be OK but it’s extremely unlikely.

“You just weigh up everything in your head because you want to be hopeful, but you think about what life they would have.

“There’s just so many endless complications and it got to the point where we had to decide that he wasn’t going to make it.”

Jade’s pregnancy was terminated with a needle at 25 weeks at the Royal London Hospital in April 2022.

“I can feel exactly how that felt at any point in my life now, that will never leave me,” Jade said.

Several days later, Jade gave birth to her stillborn baby in a nine-hour labour at the Princess Alexandra Hospital in Harlow.

Jade added her doctors at the Royal London Hospital were once trying to establish a link between Patau’s syndrome and gastroschisis, but she said she was told it was “sheer bad luck”.

In the weeks and months following, Jade said she could not eat or sleep, she “couldn’t stop crying” and she struggled to leave the house.

“I tried to go to Tesco’s once and I just stood there, frozen with a basket and Dan had to come and pick me up,” she said.

“My thoughts got really bad, I didn’t think I deserved to live when I had to choose for Oscar not to.

“You feel guilty for smiling, guilty for having fun.”

Jade said she used journaling to help her process her grief, saying “everything came out” when she put pen to paper.

She also slowly returned to work as a gym coach and “worked hard for years” to channel her energy into fitness, saying it “saved” her.

In May 2022, Jade and Dan decided to hold a fundraising event for Petals and Simba, two charities supporting families through baby loss, by completing seven “brutal” workouts in one day – from running to weightlifting.

They raised around £13,000 in total, Jade said, splitting the proceeds equally for both charities.

Jade said: “My partner, Dan, is everything I could ask for and more, he supports me through everything I do.

“We are a team in our family, our work, and I am so lucky to have him.”

In September 2022, Jade launched her own business, EmpowerMe, a women’s online training programme, with the aim of helping women and mothers to become strong and confident.

Jade then found out she was pregnant with her now healthy two-year-old son Leo.

“We were filled with absolute dread and fear when we took him home – we were constantly checking him to make sure he was OK, making sure he was breathing,” Jade said.

She added: “I got back working when Leo was two weeks old because I didn’t want to lose myself again, and I wasn’t going to lose my business.”

Then, in August 2024, Jade discovered she was pregnant again – this time with twin girls.

“It was extremely surreal, everyone kept saying we’ve lost two babies so we’ve been gifted two,” she said.

Esme and Raya were born on April 14 this year and while juggling three young children alongside work is no easy feat, Jade and Dan manage by keeping to a routine.

The couple and their extended family now cheers to Oscar and Peter “several times a day”.

“We used to say ‘cheers Oscar Peter’ whenever we drank or ate, to cheers everything they taught us and everything they gave us,” Jade said.

“We’ve now shortened it to ‘COP’ and we say it so much to the point Dan and I got tattoos.”

Jade advised other women in her position to “try and see light”.

“You can be in a very dark place, but there is light,” she said.

“It’s so important to talk about what you are going through – if you don’t talk to anyone else about it, you’re just holding that inside and it will eat you up.

“Try to find somewhat of a positive outcome and if you can move your body, if you can train or bring yourself to do even a few repetitions, it could save you too.”

To find out more, visit Jade’s website at empowermehq.com