Man who found himself in ‘a dark place’ after close friend’s suicide pays ‘tribute’ with charity boxing match for Mind

Becoming a dad and undergoing intensive training for a charity boxing match helped a tradesman from Derbyshire rediscover his confidence and bounce back from a dark place, following the devastating loss of his close friend to suicide.

Ashley Radcliffe, 31, from Clay Cross, Chesterfield, initially found it difficult to come to terms with the death of his friend Steve Miller, who took his own life aged 26 in 2018.

In the years that followed, Ashley faced significant challenges with his own mental health and confidence, and struggled to maintain his fitness, which led to weight gain.

“After what happened with Steve, I struggled a lot and was at my lowest. But I didn’t want to feel like a burden on anybody,” Ashley told PA Real Life.

“I experienced a lot of grief growing up, so I think that Steve’s passing was like hitting a brick wall. It brought everything back all at once.

“It knocked me off my feet a bit and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I got into bad habits, for example I used to make myself listen to sad music on purpose to make myself sad.”

The close friends first met through Ashley’s twin brother Tyler, as Steve was the manager of Tyler’s football team, the New Inn Tupton Football Club. They quickly bonded over their love of boxing.

“A lot of people looked up to Steve and went to him for advice because he was very mature for his age,” shared Ashley. “He was a role model to a lot of people, more than what he knew.

“I’ve got a picture of us after one of his fights that I printed off and put on a bauble, and every Christmas I put it on our Christmas tree. I think that’s the main memory of him that lives with me, because it’s doing something we both loved.”

Ashley credits therapy and becoming a dad to helping shift his negative mindset.

“Now I know what to do, from having therapy, to stop getting into such a dark place again. You’ve got to find purpose in life. My purpose now is my kids,” said the proud dad of two girls aged two and three.

“I have a picture of my kids beside my bed, so when I wake up, I know what I am waking up for.

“It might sound silly, but I feel like I can’t be depressed any more, because I’m the person they look up to and whatever I do impacts their life. Whatever I say and do they copy, so I’ve got to be the best version of me for them to be the best version of themselves.”

Ashley and Steve used to do a lot of kickboxing together and would challenge each other to win belts. When Steve sadly passed, he left Ashley a note, in which he wrote, “Make sure you win that belt”.

“That message has stayed at the back of my mind ever since. I wanted to prove to him that I could do it, so signing up for the Ultra White Collar Boxing charity fight felt like the perfect way to pay tribute and honour that,” said Ashley.

Ultra White Collar Boxing (UWCB) is a programme that provides people with no prior boxing experience with eight weeks of free training to prepare them for a black-tie boxing event. The programme’s main goal is to raise money for charity through participant fundraising and ticket sales.

“I wanted to get back into doing something, because I kind of fell off a bit in myself. I’m very tunnel-visioned, so I needed something to give me focus.

“At the start of this year I was 20 stone, and I wasn’t very happy with my weight. Before the boxing I managed to lose three stone, but the last couple felt impossible. No matter what I tried, I couldn’t seem to make progress. Boxing seemed like the perfect way to push myself, stay motivated, and finally reach my five-stone goal.

“The training for UWCB is good for your mindset as it keeps you disciplined. It kept me in a positive mindset all the time because it gave me something to look forward to. It gave me more of a purpose.”

On the night of the fight, which took place at the Doubletree By Hilton in Chesterfield on Saturday, July 19, his ring name was Ash “It’s Okay Not to Be Okay” Radcliffe to symbolise his journey with mental health and his dedication to speaking openly about it. He also decided to walk out into the ring, to an audience of 400 people, to a Tyson Fury quote.

“The Tyson Fury quote was about men’s mental health,” said Ashley, “It says, ‘If mental health could bring somebody as big and as strong as me to my knees… then it can bring anybody to the knees. If I can show the world that you can come back from it and get back in shape and back to the top, anybody can do it’.

“The thing about mental health and illness is we can’t see it. So, I thought if anyone in the crowd was struggling, it might give them a good reason to speak to someone.”

Finding out that he had won the fight on points was an “incredible” feeling, he shared.

“Once the bell rang, we both gave it everything. It was a really close contest – we traded some good shots and the crowd was amazing, really lifting us both,” said Ashley. “When my hand was raised at the end and I was announced the winner, it felt incredible. All the hard work in training had paid off.”

The boxing participants were asked to raise at least £50 for their chosen charity and Ashley surpassed this target, raising over £1,200 for mental health charity Mind, and was awarded the Golden Glove for the top fundraiser of the night.

“I’ve Googled Mind and saw that this charity helps support people who are struggling with their mental health and need help, so I know that the money we raised will do a lot of good,” said the tradesman.

Ashley hopes his story will help other people, especially men, to open up and realise that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

“The biggest piece of advice I would give a friend struggling with mental health is just to talk about it,” said the dad-of-two.

“If you bottle it up, it just makes everything worse because you just overthink things, paint a picture in your own mind about something that isn’t necessarily true.

“It’s also important to not be embarrassed and to just own up to it. As soon as you admit it yourself that something isn’t right, it helps.

“I hope my story shows that if I can lose a friend and be depressed myself and then come out on the other end, then other people can do it too.

“Signing up to this Ultra White Collar Boxing fight was probably one of the best things I have ever done. It helped light a fire in me that had gone out and now it’s back again. “