Teacher celebrates their non-binary identity and breast removal surgery with a unique ‘gender reveal’ party

A teacher has celebrated their top surgery and non-binary identity with a unique ‘gender reveal’ party that puts a twist on the gatherings often held by expectant parents to tell people if they are having a boy or a girl.

Flint, 31 – who prefers to go by one name personally and professionally – of Orange County, California, was originally raised as a girl and planned the party, including queer games, gifts like a Frankenstein-ed plush toy and pink and blue decorations, to make fun of people’s fixation on gender.

An English and film teacher in a secondary school by day and TikTok trans-issues educator and roller derby coach by night, Flint lives with their wife SJ, 34, and their four cats and came up with the idea of having a party to celebrate not conforming to either gender identity.

Also wanting to mark their recovery from top surgery in July where their breasts were removed, Flint invited more than 25 guests to a bash at their three-bedroom home on August 13 this year – where there was a big build up to their gender not being revealed at the end.

“When I had top surgery, I wanted to have a house party for my body with my friends, who are trans and queer,” Flint explained.

“I wanted to have something that celebrated this really important transitional time in my life, but also an excuse to hang out with all my cool friends.

“I wanted to have a party that celebrated gender that was sort of undefinable.”

And Flint, whose wife SJ is a photographer and documentary maker and also identifies as non-binary, was making a serious point as well as having fun.

“A lot of these parties are setting those expectations up like, ‘Oh, I’m having a boy, that means I’m going to have a kid that loves sports and hates ballet’, or ‘I’m having a girl, that means I’m going to have someone who’s delicate.’

“And that’s just not realistic. And it’s not fair to that kid,” they said.

“I think I actually started a trend by posting about it on TikTok because I’ve been seeing lots of people doing it now as well.”

For their party, Flint – who first came out as gay at 21 before realising they were non-binary at 30 – bought typical gender reveal party decorations, like pink and blue balloons, paper streamers and pink and blue lollipops, to decorate their living room, kitchen, patio and entrance of the house.

Guests played traditional gender reveal party games – but with a twist.

First up, friends were asked to bring a gift representing Flint’s gender, and they had a particular favourite: “I got a dog head sewn to a beanie baby hamster body. It’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever seen, but I love it.”

They also played a bingo game and points were scored for ticking off as many “queer fashion items and behaviour” as people could find their friends wearing and doing, like having a carabiner – a little hook used to carry items like keys – on their jeans or comparing tattoos.

Flint said: “We also played a game where everyone had a safety pin and your goal is to collect as many as possible.”

They added: “We adapted a baby shower game where using the word ‘baby’ loses you a pin.

“For us, another person needed to give you their pin if they say the word ‘gay’ – I lost mine immediately.”

Only coming out as non-binary two years ago, Flint said it wasn’t something “they always knew was wrong”.

They said: “I didn’t spend my whole life knowing that there was this truth about myself that I was intentionally keeping from other people.”

They added: “I kept telling people who I was, using my name and my pronouns and dressing a certain way – and it didn’t feel right, but I thought everyone felt that way.”

Explaining further, they added: “For a long time, I only understood that to be queer was only something as sexuality. Gender never really seemed on the table as an option available to me. I thought the option for me was just gay, but it actually is gay and trans.

“Transgender can mean just not cis gender, not identifying with the gender you were assigned at birth.

“Not every non-binary person is going to identify as trans as I do. I’m both trans and non-binary.”

In 2018 they started dating SJ after meeting on a dating app. Sharing a love of roller derby – a full contact sport played on roller skates – Flint was also drawn to SJ’s “exceptional attractiveness” with their tattoos, colourful hair and roller skates.

But getting to know some non-binary people through playing then coaching roller derby – made them think differently about themselves.

Flint said: “I didn’t realise what it was until I met more gender non-conforming, non-binary people through roller derby and I recognised them immediately.

“I would feel connected to them in a way I couldn’t explain and, when they said who they were, I felt reflected in them.”

They added: “I said that’s the experience I’m having, this is who I am, and from the second I figured it out in May 2020, I couldn’t keep it to myself.

“I started telling everyone about it.”

Flint told SJ first, after having a conversation about she/her pronouns together and realising they both felt similarly about the issue.

“SJ reacted very positively and we actually ended up sort of coming out to each other around the same time,” Flint said.

“It was a really nice experience to have someone that felt that way too and talking to them.”

Next, Flint and SJ introduced their new pronouns at roller derby practice where at the beginning of every session, each person introduces themselves using their name and pronouns.

Flint said: “I was pretty comfortable almost immediately with my family and friends, but immediately began dreading coming out to my students.”

In summer 2021, Flint told the staff and pupils at the school where they had worked for a decade that they were non-binary – and luckily it didn’t come as too much as a shock to their “amazing group of supportive colleagues”.

They said: “I spent the last 10 years building myself as an LGBT advocate in school, so my coming out wasn’t that surprising.

“It would be different if they had never seen it coming because I was a hyper feminine person – which I’m really not – but they have known for a while that this was important to me and that I supported trans kids in our community.”

All the same, it wasn’t entirely easy as Flint lives in a “pretty conservative part of California”.

They said: “My teacher friends didn’t really understand what I was dealing with, or the unique challenges that came with being non-binary and teaching.”

They added: “Dealing with parents that don’t understand or are upset about my identity, being comfortable in a staff bathroom and the danger that you’re in as a trans person in this part of the world were the biggest challenges,” they said.

Feeling isolated, they started reaching out on TikTok “to find people who were having experiences like mine” and became part of a wider community.

Now Flint just immediately tells new pupils exactly who they are at the start of each school year.

They said: “I introduce myself to the kids and say ‘Hi, I’m Flint and I use they/them pronouns’.”

But it’s still scary, they admit.

“The most terrifying day of my life is consistently the first day of school, because I’m drawing lines immediately by showing them I’m their teacher, but also different.

“Sometimes the students mess up and I have to remind them of my pronouns, but then we move on. I think it’s much harder for adults to grasp that than it is for kids.

“Students don’t care who I am or what my pronouns are. They just really don’t want me to assign homework over the weekend.”

At home things have worked out well too. In June this year, Flint and SJ married in a stay-at-home ‘elopement’ with another teacher from the school officiating the wedding in California.

Flint wore a thrifted vintage suit and SJ wore a summer dress a friend had modified for them, and both sported their beloved roller skates.

And on TikTok, Flint has become an educator, giving hope and sharing experiences and advice to trans and non-binary people and the parents of trans and non-binary children. Views of their videos now total 7 million.

But much as they finally feel “full and complete”, Flint still faces hate and micro-aggressions in their everyday life from people who don’t understand.

They said: “Facing overt hate by being called a predator, a groomer, that is a higher priority than mis-gendering and dead naming for me. The aggressive hate is much more directed.”

But, Flint said, being able to help others online and in school helps them deal with all of that.

“What made the challenges of being openly trans, in my community and in education, survivable, is knowing that what I’m doing is worthwhile.”

SJ said of discovering both they and Flint are non-binary: “It was really interesting and validating.

“Flint has a large extensive knowledge of LGBT history, so it was really great to be able to explore that language and those feelings with my partner that I love very much, who loves me very much.

“It was a unique and beautiful experience.”

Visit Flint’s TikTok under @justflintisfine