7 simple ways to stop your child becoming a fussy eater

Fussy eating is extremely common in young children, with some studies suggesting it affects more than 80% of UK families.

Past research by healthcare company Abbott found 60% of parents were frustrated by their child’s fussy eating, while a third said it worried them, and 27% felt anxious and powerless because of it.

But being picky about food can be nipped in the bud – or stopped before it even starts, promises behaviour change psychotherapist Alicia Eaton, author of Mind How Your Kids Eat.

She says: “Many parents feel that fussy eating is becoming more common, and in many ways they’re right. Families today are raising children in a food environment that’s more complex, more stimulating and more choice-driven than at any point in previous generations.

“And too much choice leads to overwhelm, indecision and anxiety, which then has an effect on appetite.”

But whatever the cause, there’s no need for mealtimes to become a battleground, she insists.

“Parents don’t need to force, bribe or battle their child into eating well – in fact, those approaches tend to make things worse,” she explains.

“What children need is a calm, predictable food environment that allows appetite to develop naturally, and curiosity around food to grow over time.

“If we focus less on ‘getting food into children’ and more on helping children feel comfortable around food, many so-called fussy eating behaviours never take hold in the first place.”

Eaton suggests these simple ways to prevent fussy eating from developing…

1. Create gentle gaps between snacks and meals

She says many children have near-constant access to snacks, which means they often arrive at meals without a strong appetite. “When a child refuses dinner because they’re not truly hungry, parents may assume the child dislikes the meal, rather than recognising that appetite simply hasn’t had time to build.”

She says parents should be encouraged to help children recognise the difference between real and imagined hunger, explaining that a feeling of hunger that comes on quickly is more likely to be boredom, tiredness, or perhaps stems from an emotional cause.

“Before automatically reaching for the cookie jar, it’s best to ask a few questions,” she suggests. “True feelings of hunger tend to build gradually, and children can be reminded that these simply mean they’ll enjoy the next meal all the more.”

2. Keep food language neutral

Try not to label foods as ‘good’, ‘bad’, ‘naughty’ or ‘treats’ – as calm, neutral language helps children feel less anxious and less resistant around unfamiliar foods, Eaton explains.

She says children hear discussions about allergies, ultra-processed foods, dieting, sugar, weight, and health concerns from a very young age – even toddlers absorb emotional signals around food long before they understand the words, she says.

“When adults approach meals with anxiety, negotiation or constant discussion about what’s ‘good’ or ‘bad’, likely to add weight or reduce it, children quickly learn that eating is something complicated and emotionally charged, rather than something relaxed and routine,” she warns.

“This atmosphere alone can contribute to resistance and caution around unfamiliar foods.”

3.  Serve one family meal whenever possible

Avoid routinely preparing multiple alternative meals, advises Eaton, as when children see everyone eating the same meal in a relaxed way, familiarity and acceptance grow naturally over time.

“Shared family eating experiences remain one of the most protective habits against long-term fussiness,” she stresses.

4. Pay attention to sensory preferences

Children don’t all experience food in the same sensory way, explains Eaton. Some are strongly visual and prefer foods that look colourful and organised in patterns on the plate, others respond primarily to sound and texture, preferring crunchy or crisp foods that give clear sensory feedback, and some need to explore food physically by, for example, touching or dipping before they feel comfortable tasting.

“When parents understand these differences and present foods in ways that match a child’s sensory preferences, they often find willingness to try foods increases naturally,” she says, pointing out that what appears to be stubbornness is frequently a sensory comfort issue, rather than behavioural defiance.

“When parents understand that a child’s eating preferences may be sensory rather than behavioural, mealtimes often become much easier,” she says. “Instead of asking ‘How do I make my child eat this?’, we begin asking ‘How can I present this food in a way that works for how my child experiences it?’

“Small adjustments in presentation, texture or format can sometimes open the door to foods that were previously rejected.”

5. Let curiosity develop before expectation

Allow children to see, touch or smell foods without pressure to eat them, Eaton suggests

“Repeated low-pressure exposure often leads to tasting when the child feels ready,” she explains.

6.  Make mealtimes predictable and calm

A predictable time, venue and routine for meals is surprisingly valuable, and Eaton says: “A simple routine with the same mealtimes each day, sitting together where possible with minimal distractions, all help children to feel secure and more willing to engage with food.”

7. Practise relaxed eating

Children learn far more from what they observe than what they’re told, says Eaton, so when adults eat a variety of foods without too much discussion around it, children gradually absorb that same sense of ease.

“Children who regularly see adults eating a variety of foods in a relaxed way are more likely to imitate those behaviours over time,” she says, pointing out that conversation at the table, rather than negotiation about how many bites must be eaten, helps children associate meals with connecting with others, rather than pressure.

“Over months and years, this atmosphere makes a significant difference to how flexible children become with food,” she explains.

Mind How Your Kids Eat by Alicia Eaton is published by Troubador, priced £14.99. Available now.