'My innocence as a child was robbed': Sister-in-law of Limerick 'paedophile'

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I was born into what I knew to be a loving home, a small family with two siblings - a brother and a sister, six and 12 years older respectively.  I remember I was a very bubbly outgoing child who loved school and wanted to do well.  I loved being around people and I loved being a part of whatever was going on.  

My sister, who was 12 years my senior, married Christopher O'Mahony on St Patrick's Day, 1982. I was a flower girl, and about to turn nine that May. They both moved into our small family home after the wedding and this is when my life began to change its path. The introduction to sexual activity began shortly after this.

It is impossible to capture in a few short lines how a complex trauma such as sexual abuse in early childhood affects you mentally, physically, and emotionally for the rest of your life.

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These were my developmental years and would have a profound effect on me for the rest of my life as it seeped into every crevice.  A child's body expected to perform in an adult manner. My innocence as a child was robbed from me. I was denied the opportunity to experience my first kiss, as it should have been experienced, with excitement and hope of love.

My first sexual experiences were ones of confusion, fear, disgust and pain. A moment which should have been a joyful, loving, and tender experience with mutual consent.

My thinking and feelings around sex and intimacy was altered for life. Later, I would see this down through the years, and in my belief, led to a teenage pregnancy,  and a teenage marriage and, ultimately, the breakdown of my marriage, and several failed relationships throughout my life. The suppressed emotions, and unexpressed feelings played a huge role.  The fear and inability to say no and speak up for myself began at that tender age of nine.

Doing things that I felt uncomfortable doing found me in abusive relationships and situations  where I was unable to voice my fears. Throughout my life I always felt like I was swimming against the tide but nonetheless I kept swimming. I was taught to say nothing for the quiet life but the quiet life for who? For the abuser and those that stood by and said nothing.  Those who enabled it. Those who were supposed to protect me and failed to do so. 

So, after 40 years of sadness and suffering and two thirds of my life lived, I decided I needed to face it in order to heal from it. Revealing the truth has been more difficult than I have ever imagined.

The people I thought would support me turned their backs on me for bringing shame on the family. The suffering continued,  but it highlighted to me  who are my people, but, more importantly, who are not my people.

In this process, I have lost my mother, my sister, and two of my three nieces. I grieve the loss of my childhood, my teenage self,  but I also grieve the loss of a family.  A family destroyed by a person they trusted.  A person that should have been privileged to be part of such a loving family, but instead abused that trust and tore it apart. 

This has not only destroyed one generation but it has rippled down into the next generation and this is hopefully where it will stop.

The three most important people I want to acknowledge are my three adult children.  I am proud of the strong people they have become.  I apologise for not being the mother I could have been, but I loved ye with all the love I had to give at the time.

Now, as adults, I know ye understand,  and I thank ye for the love and support that you have shown me throughout the past five years in particular.  I thank my brother who supported me throughout, and I thank my close friends and work colleagues who gave me encouragement to keep going on the days when I needed it the most. I thank the DPSU and in particular,  Garda Ciarán Curtin, Garda Dave Barry, Detective Garda James Muldowney,  each played a huge part in bringing me the justice I deserve.

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I thank the DPP for believing in me and granting me my day in court. I thank Brendan Gill and Lily Buckley for their understanding of the case and for representing me. I thank the Rape Crisis Centre and my therapist Michelle.

This has been a very difficult and long journey. I said at the beginning of this process that if it helped one other person to come forward, to know it’s never too late, even after 40 years, it would be worth it. It has already been worth it as I stand here today with my niece Emma getting the justice we rightly deserve.

~ Helen Costelloe