‘Dating at home is hard work – now I use HomeExchange to work abroad, mix up my love life and visit romantic cities’

A woman who found dating in Edinburgh “hard work” now mixes up her love life in romantic European cities while working remotely thanks to a home-swapping website.

Kirst Irvine, 40, originally from Newcastle, likened the Scottish capital to a “village” with a scarce dating pool where she would often need to “cross-check” with her other single friends to ensure they would not end up going out with each other’s former flames.

After discovering HomeExchange, a website facilitating home-swapping overseas, Kirst took the plunge and soon began spending up to a month in various European cities to work abroad and dip a toe into a different dating scene.

Using Bumble and sometimes Hinge, the senior marketing manager has been able to connect with local suitors, experiencing romantic Vespa rides through Paris at night, spontaneous dates drinking margaritas on a Thursday and charming home-cooked meals.

She has also had some stranger experiences, such as one man buying her dark chocolates on their first date to “use as an aphrodisiac later”, an aim he did not achieve, and another in Berlin who suggested they take their first date “native” at a popular spa.

Kirst also feels ghosting is an “international phenomenon” after her month-long relationship in Berlin came to an end after he “vanished”, but she has remained resilient and undeterred – and while she has not met Mr Right yet, she has set her sights on her travel plans for 2025.

“You should try to increase the surface area for serendipity,” Kirst told PA Real Life.

“I’m meeting more people, I’m expanding my community, and while I don’t want to be single at this age, I’ve found the tools to keep life varied and lively, experience living in new places and build a life I really like.

“It keeps life interesting.”

Kirst, who moved to Edinburgh from London 10 years ago, found the dating scene to be “hard work”.

“Edinburgh is a small city, it’s around half a million people, so finding single men in their late 30s, early 40s – it feels like the scarcity effect,” she said.

“You see the same faces over and over again and you also have to cross-check with your other single girlfriends.

“Locals call Edinburgh a village and from a dating perspective, it can be hard work.”

On occasion, Kirst said she had told friends she was dating someone new, only to be informed they had seen him previously.

“You can be out for brunch with a girlfriend and say you’re going out with a guy next week, but they’ve slept with him a couple of years ago or they’ve crossed paths – the dating pool is quite small,” she said.

“The dating apps also aren’t on your side sometimes and it feels like some people have dating app fatigue.”

Two years ago, Kirst started working as a senior marketing manager at her company, which she did not wish to name, but she praised her employer for its policy of allowing staff to “work from anywhere, any time”.

With this additional freedom, she felt a desire to explore other areas by working remotely and delving into the dating scene in new places – which led her to HomeExchange after a recommendation from a friend.

She started by swapping her two-bed, two-bath Edinburgh apartment for a similar property in London for three weeks in July 2023 before she moved on to Paris for two weeks in October 2023.

This was followed by a trip to Lisbon for two weeks in March 2024, Amsterdam for a week in July, and most recently, a month in Berlin in September.

While Kirst needs to ensure she is meeting her work commitments, she said the process is “brilliant”.

“It allows me to experience what life is like living and working in other cities because you can get under the skin a little bit,” she said.

To feel more at home in a new place, Kirst visits co-working office spaces and gym classes, and also ventures on to dating apps such as Bumble, and sometimes Hinge, to meet local suitors.

“You just have to put yourself out there and be spontaneous – I’ve had lots of matches and it’s a great confidence boost,” she said.

During her first date in Paris, one guy picked her up on his Vespa and drove her through the streets of the city at night before they stopped for wine.

“That was pretty magical. Even though the actual date itself wasn’t amazing, that will stay with me,” she said.

“Vespas have featured quite heavily in my dating abroad – a guy I dated in Berlin for a month had a Vespa and we spent weekends hopping on and off, a coffee here, a beer there.

“I dated a guy who picked me up in his Tesla and we went for margaritas on a Thursday night, I’ve been cooked for in people’s homes, it’s been fun.

“Being British and blonde – even though it’s by no means exotic – you do stand out a bit.”

While there have been plenty of positives, Kirst has experienced some stranger situations while dating abroad.

“In Berlin, I went on a date with a guy who came on really strong and bought me dark chocolates because he said we could use them for an aphrodisiac later… he did not achieve his aim.

“There’s also a really famous spa in Germany called Vabali and because it’s Europe, you don’t wear swimwear. One guy suggested we go native and go there for our first date.

“I’m pretty bold but not that bold.

“While I’m up for fun dates, I also keep in mind my safety and ultimately I’m looking to meet someone more serious.”

While Kirst enjoys working remotely and exploring new areas, she acknowledges dating overseas is “not the perfect solution”.

“Ghosting is an international phenomenon and it never gets any easier,” she said.

“I’ve had dates arranged in the diary only for the guy to delete our chat and disappear, not having the decency to cancel.”

Kirst feels it is sometimes tricky to dust herself off after a negative experience without friends and family around her.

A month-long flame in Berlin, which she felt had the potential for more, “vanished into thin air”, which she said felt “brutal”.

“When ghosting happens or a guy behaves badly, you have to be your own cheerleader and get back on the horse,” she said.

Despite the ups and downs, Kirst would recommend the method to others seeking to spice up their dating life.

“You have to be quite resilient, you have to be comfortable about putting yourself out there,” she said.

“Doing this has allowed me to flex my lifestyle and keep it affordable – it also supports my attitude that you just don’t know what’s around the corner.

“I’m yet to meet the one but I’m an optimist… I’m already thinking about where I might go in 2025.”

Jessica Poillucci, PR manager of HomeExchange, said: “HomeExchange advises people considering home-swapping to check the legalities of working remotely from your intended destination. 

“Some countries may require specific visas or permits if you’re planning to work, even if it’s just remotely for your home company.

“It’s also worth noting working from a different jurisdiction can also have tax implications.

“With regards to both visas or permits and tax, it’s important to bear in mind the length of your stay as this can have an impact on both of these areas.”