Polyamorous quad who met online say their relationship is not ‘unlimited sex fest’ and hope to one day legally marry

A polyamorous quad who met through online gaming have said their relationship is not the “unlimited sex fest” many assume and they hope to one day legally marry.

Tiffani Nicole, 29, Jiselle Alexa, 23, Hammy Kendra, 29, and Raymond Anthony, 34, met on Twitch in 2020, bonding over their shared love of gaming and their friendship quickly grew through constant messaging, virtual movie nights and video calls.

In 2021, Tiffani, who works in debt and litigation, suggested their dynamic resembled a polyamorous quad – a romantic relationship involving four people – and even though none of them had experienced one before, the idea “made sense” to them.

They met for the first time in person in the winter of 2021, having lived in different parts of the United States, and said it was “not strange at all” and made the relationship official.

In February 2022, they moved in together in Baltimore County, Maryland, and since then have had date nights and intimacy as a group, in pairs or as a trio.

Raymond, who works in technology, is often perceived as the “main person” because he is a man and said he has faced online comments such as “free those women”.

Hammy, an insurance worker, hopes it will be easier for the four of them to marry in the future, but said they “already know (they) will be together forever”.

Jiselle, who also works in debt and litigation, told PA Real Life: “We’ve come across so many people online that think it is a fetish, but it is not this unlimited sex fest that you think it is.

“I think the idea of being polyamorous arouses people, but after you do something sexually with people, you still have to live with each other, pay the bills, cook dinner – it’s not just intercourse.

“You have to be in this type of relationship because you want to, and it’s based on love and friendship.

“It’s not all sunshine and rainbows – we have disagreements like any other relationship, it’s not anything major, but it happens.”

The foursome first met in 2020 through Twitch, an interactive livestreaming platform, connecting over their shared passion for gaming.

After a few weeks, they created their own chat on the platform Discord, where they spoke almost 24/7, watched movies together, played games and had video calls.

At the time, they were based across the country – Jiselle in New Jersey, Tiffani in Los Angeles, Hammy in South Maryland and Raymond in Baltimore.

In 2021, during one of their Discord chats, Tiffani mentioned that she followed someone online who was in a polyamorous relationship.

She recalled: “I said to everyone, ‘That’s kind of what we’re doing here’.

“None of us had been in poly relationships before, but I think we all thought it worked for us and just made sense.”

Some of Tiffani’s and Jiselle’s family members were “apprehensive” at first, but they have since grown to understand the relationship, and all of the foursome’s parents are glad to see them happy.

In the winter of 2021, the quad met in person for the first time and quickly realised there were “romantic vibes”.

Jiselle said: “It was not strange at all, it just felt like we were always talking to each other over Discord in person.

“It was nice to see everyone in person because everyone was much more attractive and charming.

“But aside from physical attraction, it was great being able to be around people I loved and cherished.”

Just a few months later, in February 2022, the foursome moved in together in Baltimore County.

Adjusting to life under one roof took time, as they each had “their own ways of doing things”, such as chores and cleaning.

But they “quickly recognised” their relationship needed to be “rooted in strong communication” and they split chores equally between them.

Raymond added: “We don’t split bills equally, we do it equitable based on who makes what in the house and adjust based on the money earned.”

Each of them has their own room in the house, so they have their own space and can have time alone, as they are all “introverted”.

The quad usually have date nights as a foursome, but sometimes in pairs or threes depending on schedules, and their intimacy works “the same way”.

“I always tell people that we have foursomes, threesomes, twosomes and onesomes,” Raymond explained.

“It’s what you’d expect, it’s not foursomes or threesomes all the time, it’s just whatever we feel like doing.

“There is no planning – first of all, I’m completely turned off by that, so it really comes down to, you’re in the mood, I’m in the mood, you’re also in the mood, OK.

“It’s not always like that – if one of us had a long day, we won’t participate.”

They believe there is a misconception that quads are “all about sex”, when in reality their relationship is based on “love and friendship”.

In their day-to-day lives, when out as a four, most people assume they are just friends as they are not “super physical” with each other in public.

“I remember once at a Korean barbecue place, the waitress asked if I’m with anyone, and I said ‘my girlfriends’, and she waited at the table until they came and she was flabbergasted,” Raymond added.

All of their work colleagues are aware of the relationship, but they tend to keep it private to avoid questions and maintain a clear boundary between work and their personal lives.

On social media, under the handle @quadoflove, many assume Raymond is the “main person” in the partnership because he is a man.

“I get questions online like, ‘How did you do it?’, and they don’t realise Tiffani was actually the one who brought being in a relationship up,” Raymond said.

“One time someone said something like ‘free those women’ to me, but they are all headstrong women.”

Tiffani added: “It’s entirely my decision that I made, to be in this relationship.

“If I didn’t like being in this relationship, I’d be gone.”

To those who assume jealousy must be an issue, Raymond said: “There’s going to be jealousy that happens sometimes, but with us in particular, it’s never major – it’s more like Hammy and Tiffani are having a conversation, they’re laughing, and I’m not in that.”

Looking to the future, the quad hope society becomes more accepting of relationships like theirs, as it is not currently legal for more than two people to be married to each other in the United States.

Hammy explained: “I would say I do wish that it would be easier to get married.

“It’s a lot of work to even get the power of attorney as a four.

“Just being able to say, ‘OK, we’re married’, would make everything a lot easier, because we already know we’re going to be together forever.

“Even things like being at the doctor and putting just one name down is hard, and we’re not going to be around forever – when we go, we don’t know how that’ll work legally.”

The foursome have discussed having children in the future, but Raymond said he thinks they are “not quite there yet”.

Tiffani added: “Further down the road I wouldn’t be against having children, but as of right now, it’s definitely not high on our list – like with anything else it would be a conversation between us all.”