Woman who has been on 1,000 dates ‘treats process like an HR department’, including performance reviews

A woman who said she has been on more than 1,000 dates now runs her dating life like a hiring process – complete with screenings, performance reviews and exit interviews – and is choosing self-love this Valentine’s Day.

Suzan Mutesi, a 39-year-old actress and writer who splits her time between Sydney and London, was in two serious long-term relationships in her twenties, but said she has been unlucky in love ever since.

After turning 30, she said she would line up dates whenever she did “not feel like cooking”, and even created an automatic rejection email thanking dates and letting them know “it didn’t work out”.

She said she had a string of bad dates, from a man who invited another woman along expecting a threesome, to one who set his kitchen on fire.

These experiences pushed her to change her approach and run her dating life like a workplace, but the strategy has not always worked.

She said recent mishaps have involved an AI-generated image of her in lingerie and a date who later claimed to have nits – yet despite it all, Suzan remains a romantic at heart.

Suzan told PA Real Life: “I plan to send myself flowers – I’ve written a beautiful note saying, ‘Hey girl, Happy Valentine’s Day, I haven’t forgotten about you, you’re gorgeous, you’re loved, you’re special and today I just wanted to say your husband is somewhere thinking about you’.

“I put a beautiful kiss with my lipstick on the card and I’ve booked a table at a restaurant where I will go have a beautiful dinner.

“I just want it to be calm with no drama – no people doing AI images of me and no worrying about nits shampoo.”

In her twenties, Suzan’s first long-term relationship began while she was at university, with a man in his thirties.

Suzan said he gave her an allowance and even provided her with a driver, so she never had to use public transport.

They were together for around four years, but she said they ended things to focus on their careers.

From age 27 to 30, she said she was in another relationship, but they parted ways after realising they were not meant to be.

Since then, Suzan has been hoping to find Mr Right and claimed she has been on more than 1,000 dates over the past 10 years.

In her early thirties, she said she was going on at least three dates a week and would line up a dinner date whenever she did not want to cook.

By her late thirties, she was going on fewer dates, averaging around one a week and meeting matches mainly through dating apps.

Over the years, Suzan has had her fair share of “memorable dates”.

In 2021, she said she went on a promising date that quickly soured when the man invited another woman along, expecting a threesome.

In 2023, she said a man tried to impress her by cooking dinner but ended up setting a pan on fire.

His ash-covered face and offer to buy pizza instead did little to win her over.

At the time, she said she used an automatic message system for when dates did not go to plan.

“I never like to waste time,” she explained.

“If I don’t feel like the date was right for me, I have an automatic email I send basically saying ‘hey, thank you so much for a great time, I just want to let you know it didn’t work out, but it was nice getting to know you’.”

One of her best dates, however, was in Sydney, where she said she was flown to a private beach and treated to a meal prepared by a personal chef.

They saw each other four more times, but she said he had to leave the country for work.

Since then, as of 2024, she has “acted like a HR department” for her dating life.

After connecting with someone, she said she carries out a pre-date “screening”, asking them “important questions” to avoid “any surprises”.

She explained: “Now that I’ve done so much dating, I can’t spend my energy on things that don’t work out – I have to be more intentional now.”

She claimed most dates think this is “emotionally mature” and are not “put off by it”.

Suzan added: “It’s just light, nothing intense, I’m just doing due diligence.”

She explained that she asks them, on a scale of one to ten, if “they are healed”, as well as questions about who they live with, whether they pay for dates and if they still follow exes on social media.

After date two, she said she carries out a “performance review”, reflecting on how they treated waiting staff and whether they asked if she got home safely.

She then has an “exit interview” with them to discuss what worked and what did not.

Despite this, she has still had some dating disasters.

At the beginning of the year, she connected with a man on LinkedIn, which she said looked professional, and they began messaging on the platform.

After a few days, he asked to move things to WhatsApp and they arranged a date.

She did the usual screening call, which she thought he “loved and found very intriguing”, and felt reassured he was a suitable match.

However, she claims he turned up to the restaurant wearing shorts and flip-flops, with long, untamed hair, looking like a “surfer dude”.

Suzan said it also turned out he lived in a van without a shower or toilet and washed himself in the ocean every day.

“He tried to kiss me and I just said ‘Oh look at the stars’ to distract him – I just couldn’t believe it,” Suzan said.

The following day, she claimed she received a text from him saying he had found nits and that she should go to the doctor.

Luckily, Suzan said she did not catch them, but she spent the day using nit shampoo just in case.

Last year, she said she also matched with a man on Hinge who, during the date, drank alcohol “excessively”, which was a “red flag” in itself, before “accidentally” opening his phone to reveal an AI-generated image of her in underwear.

Suzan said: “He said he wanted to envision me in lingerie, so I got up and thanked him for his time – I was just in shock.

“He reached out the next day and said sorry if he made me uncomfortable, and I said if he contacted me again I’d go to the police, so I blocked him.

“It was so creepy – it was the one time I didn’t screen someone.”

Despite the negative experiences, Suzan remains open to finding the one and tries to look her best everyday by having regular facials and manicures.

She said Valentine’s Day makes her reflect on her dating life.

She said: “I think sometimes I should be in love by now, I’m a lover girl, I’m a romantic person.

“If someone reaches out this Valentine’s Day, I’ll screen them because I want them to add value.”

Suzan wants to express “self love” this year and plans to send herself a note with flowers, and go out to dinner.

She added: “I know I’ll find love one day, and I want to always remember how much I love myself, and how much I deserve to be loved.”

Suzan said she hopes to inspire other women  to embrace dating, encouraging them to accept that everyone’s journey to love is unique – she has even written a book about her experiences, Love Beyond 30s.