INTERVIEW: 'Wasn't really for me'- Founder of Sisterhood on being childfree in Ireland

Niamh Madden, founder of Sisterhood, from Offaly shares what it's like to be childfree as an Irish woman and how it has impacted her life.

Sisterhood was founded by Niamh in 2020 and has accumulated over 1500 members who are all women who are childfree and come together to share their stories and spend time together doing various activities.

Niamh set up the group because she felt like she was the only person who didn't want kids and wanted to try and meet other people in a similar situation to her.

Niamh said that all of her friends had children at the time and it was really difficult to find time with her friends "which is completely understandable".

"Every now and again I felt a bit lonely because my friends were entering a new life stage.....so I did feel a bit lonely through no fault of anyone....I was craving a connection with other women who were in the same scenario".

When asked why Niamh decided to not have kids she said, "I suppose there wasn't one reason....for most of my life I would of wanted kids but as I got older and I weighed up a lot of different thoughts around having kids it was something I decided wasn't really for me".

"Everyone has their own individual unique reasons....in the group (Sisterhood) some people work with children all day....we also have a couple of au pairs who have done their fair share of child rearing and needed freedom," Niamh said.

"Some are also older siblings who took care of their younger siblings and once it was done they wanted their freedom as well....other reasons that came up in the group was the cost of child rearing.....the lack of availability of family members in the local area as a lot of people had to move for work away from their family homes," Niamh continued.

"One of the top reasons was actually that they are happy as they are....they didn't have this need or desire to have children.....the pressure didn't necessarily cause them to say 'oh I'll have kids' and they were true to their own feelings and values around it."

Niamh said that a lot of women in the group have talked about stories where they experienced negative situations because they don't have children.

"At work conferences we had women who are asked about how many kids they had and they were standing with men who were not asked the same questions," Niamh said as an example.

"Also people who got married they were asked 'oh so when are we going to hear the pitter-patter of tiny feet?'".

Niamh also said that some family members were asking members of Sisterhood when they plan on settling down, asking when are they going to get married, etc.

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"There's still a few comments you'd hear when out and about....another thing is the need to pick up on projects from someone who is having children going out on leave...the women in the group said that they were the ones who had to pick up those projects so they felt that they were doing the extra work to accommodate people with families".

Niamh said in response to people who may say 'will you not regret not having kids?' that no one knows what we will or will not regret in life.

She said that at one stage in her life she was considering becoming a teacher in South Korea.

"I never did it but do I regret it? No because I never did it! I know as we get older mortality kicks in and the closer and closer I get to the stage....I do think about things like legacy and if I SHOULD leave something behind that has created a positive impact on the world".

"I would say as long as someone is living true to their own values they're not really going to know whether they're going to regret something or not....people who are saying 'oh you'll never know real love until you have a baby' usually they are the people who have children".

"They're not aware of what the life without children looks like.....at one point in their lives they didn't have kids and they were perfectly fine".

Sisterhood started out in 2020 as a small group of just four women who met up and went to a museum in Dublin.

A month later the group had gathered 200 members then 300 members over the next six months and now there is 1,500 in the group today.

There's a book club within the group as well as theatre and cultural events and a lot of regular meet up's and activities for the women involved.

One thing Niamh would like to see disappear is asking women nowadays 'oh do you have kids?' or 'how many kids do you have?'.

She said that while people who ask these questions may just be trying to make conversation, it can be quite triggering.

"A lot of women have different situations....they could be going through IVF.....they could of had a miscarriage...they could of had an abortion....they could of wanted kids but have never been able to have any or maybe they just don't want kids."

"I would say to people to try and come up with different questions for small talk....maybe ask 'what do you do in your spare time?' instead.

Niamh also said, to women who are childfree, just live your life.....you don't have to do a big thing like write a novel just to prove you are worthy as a woman.