POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY: Christmas is almost here... a time for giving, or a time for giving out?

'IT'S the most wonderful time of the year', or so the song tells us. Yet in reality many people find the Christmas season stressful, a little overwhelming and sometimes a sad and lonely time.

In fact, many studies show that Christmas often features on lists of the top 20 most stressful life events and that many people feel more depressed around this time of year.

Why should this be so?

There are many reasons why the Christmas season can be difficult and therefore self-care becomes especially important at this time of year. If there has been a bereavement or a relationship breakup during the year, it is very natural that at Christmas, which is often a time of self-reflection, people feel sad and emotional.

Making plans for Christmas where a couple has split or where there will be an empty seat at the dinner table is painful. So it is important that those who have experienced a loss do not expect too much of themselves.

Keeping the arrangements low-key, accepting all offers of practical help and spending time with loved ones who are emotionally supportive can help make the season more bearable.

Alcohol-related issues present difficulties for many people during the Christmas season. Culturally, many of the festivities involve over-indulgence in both food and drink.

For people who suffer with anxiety, panic or stress-related problems, alcohol exacerbates these issues because of its effect on the nervous system, so the best advice is to take it easy on the alcohol and drink plenty of water as well.

Planning ahead when you are aware that there may be pressure to over-indulge can be helpful. So for example, at a Christmas party night, decide to alternate alcoholic drinks with non-alcoholic ones and begin drinking glasses of water an hour or so before the night is over.

For families where there is a loved one with a serious drink problem, Christmas can be a particularly stressful time. Family members may worry a great deal and feel that they are walking on eggshells.

It is important for those who have a loved one who is an alcoholic to remember they are not responsible for the other person's drinking and to focus time on taking care of themselves. Support from groups such as Al Anon can be very useful.

For those who are in recovery from alcohol addiction, Christmas can also be difficult. It may be necessary to change socialising patterns to avoid parties and events where there is likely to be much alcohol consumed in order to reduce the risk of relapse.

Discussing plans with family members can be helpful. Attendance at AA meetings or with an addiction counsellor can also provide much-needed support.

Unrealistic expectations are in general a source of stress around Christmas. Advertising feeds us constant images of beautiful families with rosy-cheeked children who play harmoniously around the perfect Christmas table and share wonderfully thoughtful gifts. Is real family life like this? For most families it is not.

Traditionally at Christmas we may spend several days indoors with people who we would not normally choose to have so much time with. Family tensions often mount and arguments do happen.

Old family resentments, jealousies and sibling rivalries easily come to the surface with so much intense time spent together.

So it can be helpful to mentally set more realistic expectations rather than setting ourselves up for disappointment when we hope for the picture-perfect family Christmas, which is not a reality for most families.

Taking time out from family get-togethers is often a useful way of diffusing tension. Going out for a brisk walk is helpful for our stress levels, as well as our waistlines when we may have over-indulged a little.

Thinking carefully about the choices we may be making out of a sense of tradition and/or obligation can also reduce stress.

So for example, if you have previously visited some family members for an overnight stay but found this was difficult, perhaps you need to give yourself permission to break that tradition and abbreviate the visit to a few hours.

The expense of Christmas and the time involved in searching for those 'perfect' Christmas gifts and trimmings can be additional sources of stress. Here, we can easily put pressure on ourselves unnecessarily.

Remember that people who really care about us will not expect gifts that we cannot afford.

When money is tight, small thoughtful gifts, such as a nicely decorated homemade cake, show that we care, without breaking the bank.

When life is busy and time is at a premium, it makes sense to avail of shortcuts, such as buying gift vouchers or charity donation gift cards. And there is no rule which says that everything on the Christmas dinner table has to be completely homemade.

The festive season does not have to be perfect, but by managing expectations and stress levels it can be a restful and peaceful break in the darkness of the winter.

When we take time out to breathe and avoid getting caught up in the commercial hysteria, we can often get closer to experiencing the real meaning of Christmas.

We wish you all a relaxing and peaceful Christmas.

Imelda Ferguson and Julie O'Flaherty are chartered clinical psychologists with over 20 years of experience each. They are both currently working in private practice in Tullamore. Through Mind Your Self Midlands, they run a range of positive psychology and mindfulness courses, with the focus on practical application to everyday struggles. They can be contacted through the Psychological Society of Ireland website (www.psychologicalsociety.ie) in the Find a Psychologist section, and also on their Facebook page, Mind Your Self Midlands.