‘We adopted as dual-heritage mothers – more mixed-race adopters are needed to help children find forever homes’

Two young mothers who have adopted two daughters have said they are “ready to adopt the next” after feeling the joy of giving “a loving home” to children who need it the most.

When Alice and Monique, now 25 and 30 respectively, decided they wanted to grow their Derbyshire-based family in late 2022 after getting married in July that year, there was no question that they would adopt a child. As Alice said: “There’s children out there that need a home. Why not adopt?”

What they did not expect, however, was the amount of attention they would get as prospective adopters in a dual-heritage relationship.

They were “bombarded” with interest from adoption agencies who were looking to place black and mixed-race children with families of a similar cultural background, and they soon learned that, thanks to a shortage of black adoptive parents, many children from minority ethnic backgrounds can wait a disproportionately long time for a forever home.

When they were first shown the profiles of the sisters who would become their daughters as they worked through the adoption process with a West Midlands-based agency, Alice and Monique – who did not wish to share their surnames – said they “instantly fell in love with them”.

Now, some two years after their daughters arrived home, they are looking forward to increasing their family further by giving another child a loving home through adoption.

Alice and Monique’s adoption process started in January 2023 when, aged 22 and 27, they applied to adopt through Adoption Focus.

They moved through the screening stages, which included medical assessments, referencing, and training with a social worker, and by the time they went to the adoption approval panel in November 2023, they had already been matched with their daughters, then aged two and three.

Initially, the couple had been interested in adopting a little boy, but when they saw the profiles of the two sisters, they “literally instantly fell in love with them”.

“When we saw their profile, we both instantly looked at each other and were like, ‘this is them’,” Monique told PA Real Life.

Alice and Monique found themselves in high demand when they began their adoption process. As a dual-heritage couple – Monique is black Caribbean and Alice is white British – they were seen as a perfect fit for many black and mixed-race children in need of a home, as it is always preferred that children are placed with a family with a matching cultural and racial heritage.

Adoption agencies including Adoption Focus are particularly keen to recruit black and dual-heritage adopters for black and dual-heritage children, who are more likely to wait longer for new families.

Indeed, according to nationwide adopter recruitment campaign #YouCanAdopt, black and mixed heritage children represent around 7% of children with a plan for adoption, but account for only 2% of adopted children.

“We’re in a dual-heritage relationship, and black adopters and mixed-race couples are harder to come by,” Alice said, adding that in the case of their daughters, “Monique’s family history links directly to birth father’s family history, same with me and birth mum – so we were really a match in terms of what we look like, where our families originate from”.

“There’s definitely a need there for more black adopters and those that are in mixed-race relationships… That’s not to say white adopters can’t adopt a mixed-race, Asian or black child, because they can, but ideally, they try to have a cultural match.”

“I think what helped our case as well was we were open to adopting older children… Because a lot of people want babies, but we were open to whatever,” Monique added.

“We didn’t want to write off anything.”

After being matched with their daughters and being approved by the panel, it was then an exciting waiting game for the adoption to be finalised.

Alice and Monique’s girls came home in April 2024, which Monique said was “really exciting, because obviously, it’s a big change”.

“Our wider family is very accepting, loving. So we just knew the girls would be such a brilliant addition, they’d be accepted immediately,” she added.

“So I think the hardest part was the waiting around, even though our process actually wasn’t that long.

“We would spend nights just imagining what our life would be like with the girls. What would be different? Like, I don’t think it’s normal for people, but we were excited to do school runs… We were looking forward to all those small things.

“We knew how different our life would look, but we were absolutely as ready as we could be in that moment, because we were passionate about it.”

All told, the girls adjusted easily to life with Alice and Monique. The couple had already decorated and prepared their new bedroom, and since the girls had lived together with their foster carers for two years, “everything they had there came with us, all of their toys, clothes, we even brought a massive trampoline home!”

Bedtimes proved tricky at first, with Alice and Monique needing to establish a new routine and finding themselves “laying in their room on the floor with them until they were asleep, reading story after story”.

“They would always get hot milk and maybe sometimes cake before bed, things we almost have to undo, which we laugh about now,” Monique added.

“But at the time, trying to wrestle with a three-year-old that can’t have cake was a lot!”

“Our girls are amazing,” Alice added.

“We don’t have any behavioural issues whatsoever. They attached to us really, really quickly. Our attachments are really strong and they know who we are, and they know that they’re here with us forever now.”

While the couple did have some nerves around how their family would be perceived as same-sex parents in rural Derbyshire, Alice said they have “not had an ounce of discrimination, comments, funny looks. We haven’t had any of it”.

For Monique, being able to offer a loving, forever home “means more than whether people are going to have a comment because we’re two women walking down the street”.

“Children wait so long to be adopted. Children wait so long for their forever family. So I just think those are the things that shouldn’t stop people from going forward, because it’s just outside noise,” she said.

Now, Alice and Monique are thinking about the next step.

“If it was up to me, we would have rang our social worker already and said we’re ready to adopt the next,” Monique laughed.

“If we were to adopt again, it’s Adoption Focus or no one. We’ve never had any concerns, but we get lifetime support from them should we need it… When you’ve got that kind of support package around your adoption, why wouldn’t you do it again?

“It’s brilliant.”

For more information on Adoption Focus and ‘The Long Wait’ campaign please visit: www.adoption-focus.org.uk/the-long-wait