Column: The women who most inspire me are those who are all around me

It was heart-warming to see the events going on locally to mark International Women’s Day, and it struck me that there has been something of a shift in recent years in how we view such occasions.

We have come a very long way from a woman being considered a radical feminist if she speaks out for equality. 

While there is still some distance to travel on the road to true equality, there are so many more opportunities open to women than there were only a generation or two ago.

But that is not the shift to which I am referring. It is hard to pinpoint, but I feel like it is more to do with acceptance and genuine support for one another. 

It is often said, and I am not disputing it, that women open up about their feelings more easily than men. However, there are many things that women have struggled to express, or feel guilty about saying out loud or even acknowledging to themselves.

We are the first generation of women for whom working outside the home is commonplace rather than the exception. And though I wouldn’t change a thing about my family or my work, it can be damn hard juggling everything.

And while the role of men is also evolving, particularly in terms of doing more housework and having a more hands-on role in parenting, we, as women, feel like we are carrying a lot on our shoulders.

I have yet to meet a working mother who hasn’t experienced near constant guilt. When our work is demanding our time and energy, we can feel like we are letting our family down. When we are giving time to our family, it can feel like we are not committed enough to our work. 

And then there are many people who are involved in the care of elderly relatives or family members with additional needs. 

It takes its toll mentally and physically, yet we also feel guilty about taking time to do things for ourselves that help us to heal or recharge.

I appreciate that this sounds like it is all bad, and that is not my intention. I love my family and I love my job. I feel privileged to have each of my children in my life, and to have been able to forge a career doing something that I love. 

But it can be hard; sometimes it can be utterly exhausting. 

What gets me through those days is knowing that there are people around me who ‘get it’ completely. 

Their circumstances don’t have to match mine. I have good female friends and relatives who don’t have children, or who don’t work, or who have already raised their families. I have other friends whose demands are far greater than mine; they may be suffering from illness, or running their own business, or dealing with challenging situations at home or work. 

It doesn’t matter what the differences are, it is the similarities that bond us, and as we learn to unburden ourselves, we learn to listen to and support each other, to share and applaud not just the big achievements but the little ones too.

Life is full of challenges, and women in Ireland today still have to deal with misogyny and cultures of violence and sexual harassment. What is changing is being there for each other so that no-one has to be a lone voice that can be easily silenced.

The women that really inspire me are not the women who I see on the television screen.

They are the people around me who give me comfort and courage and reassurance, often without even knowing it.