'I want to celebrate the six years we had': Kilkenny mother's grief 12 years on
Roseann Brennan lost her son Jake when he was hit by a car in Lintown Grove
A mother from Kilkenny is celebrating the life of her son, 12 years after he passed away at just six years old.
Roseann Brennan lost her son Jake when he was hit by a car in Lintown Grove, the housing estate where they lived in Kilkenny City.
It happened on June 12, 2014, and not a day has passed since that he wasn’t remembered and celebrated by his family.
12 years on, Roseann says life does get easier, despite a piece of her heart being “missing forever.”
She set up a Facebook page called ‘Jake’s Legacy’ about a month after Jake died, as a way of campaigning for reduced speed limits in housing estates.
The driver who hit Jake was travelling at an estimated speed of almost 48km/hr, according to a Garda investigation.
In 2014, the speed limit was 50km/h, but that has since been reduced to 30km/h in housing estates.
“Anytime you see a 30 kilometre sign and a children playing sign, that's because of Jake,” Roseann explained.
After getting ‘Jake’s Law’ passed, his mam started to use the page more as a diary and a celebration of his life.
Every night, goodnight kisses are posted to Jake on the page from his parents, grandparents, siblings, and friends.
On special occasions that Jake should have been a part of, such as communions and confirmations, the family hosts remembrance days for him.
One recent occasion was what should have been Jake’s 18th birthday on April 2.
The family hosted a remembrance evening with family and friends enjoying cake and sharing memories.
June 12, the day Jake “went to the angels,” is another day the family celebrate every year.
“I want to acknowledge and celebrate the six years that we got with him... I can’t pass these dates, so now I feel like if I just embrace them, I'm not as upset about them,” Roseann shared.
Roseann and her family have had 12 birthday cakes for Jake, and not all have been easy.
She admitted to faking so many occasions, just to get through them, and for her other son, Alfie.
She knows that if she were visibly upset while celebrating Jake, it would make it difficult for the other children around.
Roseann takes moments for herself when she can, and knows that shedding a few tears is okay.
Despite faking “so many smiles,” she feels she is truly enjoying things lately.
“I realise I can miss Jake while laughing, while smiling, while crying. I'll always miss him,” she said.
One of the biggest worries after losing Jake was that Roseann would forget him, especially with all of the time, energy, and anger involved in the campaign.
One piece of advice she was offered was to write memories down, which led to her writing her book ‘Mammy, I don’t want to die.’
The book is named after the last words Jake said, and writing it acted as a form of therapy for Roseann.
“I couldn't sleep. I was so consumed with the campaign... I couldn’t remember stories of Jake, and that was scaring me more,” she explained.
“It was great therapy because I had to embrace a lot of things fully and say them out loud,” she added.
The book was published in 2018, and Roseann says that since then, she has realised the importance of talking.
When she was five, her father died and adults rarely spoke about the death around children.
“Death is a massive part of living, and we see it every day, so I think we should talk about it and we should talk about loved ones,” Roseann said.
Another piece of advice she would offer is to be mindful of what you say to people experiencing a tragedy similar to Jake’s.
A huge number of people used to comment on her posts, saying they would take their own lives if they were in her shoes.
Knowing they come from a place of care can be comforting; however, a comment like this can also make the grieving person question themselves.
Roseann said reading those comments in 2014 made her feel as though, “do I not love Jake enough?”
She also highlighted how she had other people, parents, siblings, and a husband, who made Jake’s life what it was, to live for.
“I think we should be picking each other up to live and grab any happiness that you can,” Roseann said.
12 years on, happiness is something she is extremely grateful to feel.
After a “traumatising” beginning and falling to pieces, Roseann can finally say “I am happy. I am, which I never thought I'd be again.”
If remembering Jake and his life is somethig you’d like to do, you can follow the Facebook page ‘Jake’s Legacy.’