COMMENT: Worry or anxiety: how to know the difference
Worry and anxiety are two very different things, and the first step in identifying the action, is naming it.
Everyone worries, and f you didn't worry at all, that would be more concerning than worrying too much.
Worry is part of being human, and it keeps us paying the bills on time, it keeps us checking in on ageing parents, and it’s the thing that keeps us making sure that the kids got home safely. In small doses, it's useful and healthy; it's your brain doing its job.
But there's a point where worry stops being useful and starts running the show. For many people, they’ve been living on the wrong side of that line for so long they've forgotten what the other side felt like.
Here's how to tell the difference. Worry tends to have an object, something you can point to. You're worried about a specific thing, like the test results, the job interview, and whether you said the wrong thing at the Christmas party. It's uncomfortable, but it passes. Once the thing resolves, the worry moves on with it.
Anxiety is different however. Anxiety is worry that has cut loose from its anchor.
It's the feeling of dread that's there when you wake up before you've even remembered what you're dreading. It might involve lying awake at 3am cycling through a list of things that may never happen. It's cancelling plans you actually wanted to go to, because something just felt too much.
Anxiety is snapping at the people you love and not fully knowing why. Anxiety looks a lot like being grand on the outside and exhausted on the inside.
A lot of people might not say “I have anxiety", but they might say “I don't know what's wrong with me" or "I've always been a worrier" or "I think I'm just not able for things the way other people are".
These people have been managing their anxiety quietly for years, in some cases decades, and it has become so familiar to them that it feels like personality rather than a problem.
It isn't a personality flaw but it is a pattern, and the good thing is that patterns can change.
Anxiety is one of the most common and also one of the most misunderstood experiences there is, and that is partly because it so rarely looks the way people expect.
Anxiety isn't always visible, and it doesn't always announce itself. Sometimes it just looks like someone who is very busy, very capable, and absolutely fine.
If something in this felt familiar, know this: you're not alone and you're not broken.
Understanding what's actually happening is usually the first step to things feeling different. And understanding what’s happening starts with just one step: being willing to name what it is.
Deirdre Ryan (MIACP) is a Psychotherapist and Clinical Director of Tipperary Counselling Service. She can be contacted at via her website.