KILDARE ADVICE COLUMN: "The Christmas madness is really stressing me out this year. What can I do?"

By Miriam Kavanagh, Counsellor and Psychotherapist 

Christmas is fast approaching and many of us are beginning to really focus on preparations.

For some, this is a fun time, the shopping is experienced with glee, and there is an opportunity to catch up with family and friends, to party with work colleagues etc.

For others, it is full of dread and stress and while there may be practical reasons for this, such as very real concerns about the cost, there may be other deeper reasons for the level of anxiety and dread that is felt. Taking time to reflect and perhaps naming some of these reasons may be useful in minimizing their impact.

One of the most common emotions people describe is a huge anxiety about going into crowds and feeling swamped. The impact of Covid in reducing our exposure to crowds in the last few years should certainly not be ignored.

For many, this will be the first Christmas in three years with pretty much unfettered freedom to gather as we please. However,

anxiety around shopping crowds can mask other “shopping” anxieties.

One of the main anxieties, which we may be afraid to acknowledge, is actually the fear that the response we get to the presents we give won’t make us feel happy! That we will not achieve our goal of pleasing others, fundamentally, a fear that these others will not approve of us. Anxiety can feel overwhelming when caught in this trap.

So, this Christmas, take a step back. When making your list, stop for few moments and ask yourself these questions in respect of each present you think you have to purchase. Who am I buying the present for? Do I actually need to do this? Who am I trying to please?

Why am I trying to please this person? How real are my expectations? Try and be as honest as you can. Think about your own expectations and recognise that you can control some of this. It may save you a lot of stress and money. It’s often the thought that counts!