Forgive from your heart advises Offaly influencer
Forgiveness means different things to different people. But in general, it involves an intentional decision to let go of resentment and anger. Forgiveness can be a powerful source of strength, but it must often start with one’s own need for forgiveness. How can someone truly forgive another if they can’t also seek forgiveness for themselves?
Forgiveness can be hard work. It’s often counter-intuitive and requires a determined decision, followed by repeated remembrance of and recommitment to that decision. But it’s worth the trouble when forgiveness heals the way forward.
Forgiveness is never easy. It doesn't mean that what they did was okay. It doesn't mean that the pain they planted in your heart was okay. It doesn't mean that they got away with it. It just means that you decided to stop allowing their pain to affect you, anger you or drag you down. Forgiving them means that you've accepted that their choice to hurt you is their burden to bear. Not yours. You did not make the choice to be hurt. And you did not deserve it. You should not carry their burden with you. Leave it behind you. Leave them behind you. And start walking towards your future. As my Nana Scully used to say, "Don't give part-time people a full-time position in your head!"
Forgiveness is a commitment
If our hearts are to be truly moved by forgiveness then we will necessarily desire to do something good and loving about it. Each of us is called to change the world we inhabit in some way, and for most of us that means in small acts of love, mercy and forgiveness. To find mercy we must first forgive. It is through forgiveness that our hearts, and the world, are filled with peace.
We begin in our homes, with our families, in our workplaces and we extend those acts of love, mercy and forgiveness to our friends, work colleagues, and wider communities. Mercy and forgiveness are the ready willingness to help anyone in need, especially in need of mercy, forgiveness, reconciliation, acceptance, care and love. Dedicating our life to forgiveness and mercy is a call for all of us to become missionaries of forgiveness and mercy in a world where there is so much that needs healing and cries out for mercy and forgiveness. Nearly all of us at sometime have been hurt by the actions or words of another.
These wounds can leave you with bitter feelings but if you don’t practice forgiveness, you may be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you embrace peace, hope, and joy. Forgiveness is a decision to let go of anger and resentment. The act that hurt you may always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on the positive parts of your life.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life. Letting go of hurts makes way for compassion, kindness and peace and can lead to healthier relationships and less stress in your life. Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. A way to begin is by recognizing the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time.
Then reflect on the facts of the situation, how you’ve reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being. When you’re ready, actively choose to forgive the person who offended you. Move away from your role of victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life. As you let go of hurts, you’ll no longer define your life by how you’ve been hurt. You may even find compassion and understanding.
Forgive from your heart
Always if you can choose forgiveness as God’s mercy is precious. Choose to go to God and find freedom in His healing. Don’t sugar coat your feelings. Let Him know how hard this is for you, and then keep choosing forgiveness until your heart catches up with your faith! Hold on tight, because walking in forgiveness is truly one of the most freeing things you’ll ever go through!
The world could be spared much suffering and many wounds and wars if forgiveness and mercy were the style of our life. It is necessary to apply merciful love to all human relationships: between spouses, between parents and children, within our communities and also in society and politics. We cannot demand God's forgiveness for ourselves if we in turn do not grant forgiveness to our neighbour. If we do not strive to forgive and to love, we will not be forgiven and loved either.
Forgiveness helps us take control of our story. Forgiveness is the key that unlocks its floodgates. In praying for his enemies from the cross, Jesus not only gives us the example of how we should regard those who may have wronged us, but also demonstrates that no person is beyond the reach of prayer. If our hearts are to be truly moved by mercy and forgiveness then we will necessarily desire to do something good and loving about it. Each of us is called to change the world we inhabit in some way, and for most of us that means in small acts of love, mercy and forgiveness. We begin in our homes with our families and we extend those acts of love to our friends, neighbours, work colleagues, and wider communities.
Mercy and forgiveness is the ready willingness to help anyone in need, especially in need of mercy, forgiveness, reconciliation, acceptance, care and love. Dedicating our life to forgiveness and mercy is a call for all of us to become missionaries of forgiveness and mercy in a world where there is so much that needs healing and cries out for mercy and forgiveness. In every life there are moments of darkness and in some cases much sadness.
And so today as I write this thought although our world will never be the same again and it is very hard at times and has taken me awhile to say the following, is that, "I forgive anyone who has ever done anything wrong or hurtful to me or any of my family and I will remember them in my prayers that they can live a better more caring life and I hope and pray that I can be forgiven for any wrong or hurt I may have caused intentionally or unintentionally to anyone and also live a more loving and caring life."
Value of forgiveness
It has been said that everyone is in favour of forgiveness until they have to forgive someone. It is easy to talk about the value of forgiveness but not so easy to give expression to that value in our lives when the need arises. We all need to forgive and be forgiven, over and over again, if our life together is to be life-giving, and if we are to be the agents of healing and reconciliation in our world. When we have been hurt by another, it can be very difficult to come to terms with the woundedness we feel. But by accepting and embracing our own wounds we open a door to forgiveness and new life. Too often people hold grudges in their hearts which eventually affect their ability to develop healthy human relationships.
One of the most important skills we each need is that of knowing how to forgive. There is an African proverb which states: ‘He who forgives ends the quarrel.’ Forgiveness builds us up and helps us move on; whereas revenge destroys and creates bitterness. Forgiving helps us to heal our own wounds. Some people consider those who forgive to be weak or to be cowards or stupid. But there is much wisdom in the proverb: ‘The noblest vengeance is to forgive’. The gospels (Mt. 18:21-35) tell us that God is always ready and willing to forgive, even the most serious faults of people. Now, if this is the behaviour of our God, we do not have any pretext to deny anyone our forgiveness. I feel that our lives are never as beautiful as when praying for forgiveness or else forgiving another. When we change our hearts and forgive, we change ourselves and we change our world for the better.
Building bridges to forgiveness
As usual a story might help to explain what I am trying to relay. ‘Once upon a time two brothers, who lived on adjoining farms, fell into conflict with one another. It was the first serious rift in 40 years of farming side by side, sharing machinery, and trading labour and goods. Then the long collaboration fell apart. It began with a small misunderstanding and it grew into a major difference, and finally it exploded into an exchange of bitter words followed by weeks of silence.
One morning there was a knock on the older brother’s door. He opened it to find a man with a carpenter’s toolbox. ‘I’m looking for a few days work’, the man said. ‘Perhaps you would have a few small jobs here and there. Could I help you?’ ‘Yes,’ said the older brother. ‘I do have a job for you. Look across the creek at that farm. That’s my neighbour, in fact it’s my younger brother. Last week there was a meadow between us and he took his bulldozer to the river levee and now there is a lake between us. Well, he may have done this to spite me, but I’ll go him one better. See that pile of lumber curing by the barn? I want you to build me a fence, an eight foot fence, so I won’t need to see his place anymore. That will show him.
The carpenter said, ‘I think I understand the situation. Show me the nails and the digger and I’ll be able to do a job that pleases you.’ The older brother had to go to town for supplies, so he helped the carpenter get the materials ready and then he was off for the day. The carpenter worked hard all day measuring, sawing and nailing. About sunset when the farmer returned, the carpenter had just finished the job. The farmer’s eyes opened wide. His jaw dropped.
There was no fence there at all. It was a bridge, a bridge stretching from one side of the lake to the other. A fine piece of work, handrails and all, and the neighbour, his younger brother, was coming across the bridge his arms outstretched. ‘You are quite a fellow to build this bridge after all I’ve said and done.’ The two brothers met at the middle of the bridge, hugging each other. They turned to see the carpenter hoist his toolbox on his shoulder. ‘No, wait! Stay a few days more. I’ve lots of other projects for you,’ said the older brother. ‘I’d love to stay on, ‘the carpenter said, ‘but I have so many more bridges to build.’
Forgiveness is a decision
Have you or someone close to you ever been hurt so deeply that you or they found it almost impossible to forgive the person or the people who hurt you? Forgiveness is never easy. We all love to be forgiven ourselves, but when we are asked to forgive others, we find that quite the challenge.
When people hurt us, our natural inclination would be to seek revenge, to become bitter and resentful towards them, to speak ill of them, to dream up ways of making them suffer for what they did to us. But that is not the way of Jesus. He says we must forgive and He has shown us, through His own life, that He was not about to ask us to do anything, that He was not prepared to do Himself. But how difficult! And yet, Jesus tells us very clearly today, that if we don't forgive from our hearts, God will not forgive us.
Can we imagine that? What would it be like if we asked God to forgive us and He refused, because we hadn't forgiven someone? I don't think we really like to consider this too much! We like the assurance that, when we mess up, as we so often do, God will forgive us. But this is not the case, when we don't pass on the mercy and forgiveness we receive from God to others. God's forgiveness is taken from us. A sobering thought! All of us are in need of forgiveness; we all need to experience God's mercy. The message is clear, we must forgive, no matter how difficult that is for us! But how can we forgive when we have been hurt so deeply? It just seems like too impossible a task, and it is, if we just try to do it by ourselves.
But we must always remember that we have been gifted with the Holy Spirit to help and guide us. When we can't forgive, when we are deeply wounded, when we have feelings of revenge, resentment and bitterness welling up inside us, we must reach out to the Holy Spirit and invite the Spirit to move within us, so that we can forgive. Forgiveness is not a feeling, it is a decision, an act of the will and can only come about through prayer. On our own, we can do so very little. We just react to hurt with human responses, but when we pray, we invite the Holy Spirit to help us to do what is humanly impossible and that makes all the difference.
What we need to realize is that if we know anything of God’s forgiveness and mercy in our lives, then we should forgive others. Forgiven people are forgiving people. Thomas Adams said, “He that demands mercy and forgiveness, and shows none, ruins the bridge over which he himself is to pass.” Mercy and forgiveness requires you to treat people better than they deserve. Mercy and forgiveness drives you to show compassion to people you have good reason to ignore. Mercy and forgiveness leads you to care about people's pain even when these very people have caused you pain.
Mercy requires forgiving those who have wronged you. Mercy and forgiveness insists that you seek reconciliation with those who have offended you. Just try being merciful and forgiving, it takes the strength of God to show mercy and true forgiveness, trust me on that!! When we ask for God’s mercy and forgiveness, we are essentially asking him to relieve us of a heart that is in misery and pain. And our hearts can be in a state of misery and pain not just from our mistakes and I know mine has been on many occasions, but also in misery and pain from the deep hurt caused by a broken relationship with a family member or friend, from the suffering of infertility, from the pain of a physical or mental illness, from losing a job, from being betrayed or abandoned, from the loss of a loved one that has died tragically, from spiritual or physical poverty, and so on.
But as Pope Francis said recently, "Let us be renewed by God's mercy and forgiveness, let us be loved by Jesus, let us enable the power of his love to transform our lives too; and let us become agents of this mercy and forgiveness, channels through which God can water the earth, protect all creation and make justice, love, kindness, truth and peace flourish."
Thought for the week
As your thought for the week, let's ask ourselves: Is there anyone I need to forgive? Am I harbouring any grudges? Have I bitterness of resentment in my heart towards any person? Have I ever tried asking God to help me forgive those who have hurt me so deeply? Forgiving others doesn't mean we have to forget, condone or excuse what they have done. Some hurts we will carry with us always, but if we decide to forgive, we will not let those hurts fester within us.
We will free ourselves of being weighed down by resentment, bitterness, the desire for revenge, those things that can eat away at us and enslave us. Today let's invite the Holy Spirit to work through us to bring about a desire to forgive those who have wronged us. The following favourite prayer of mine might help. "Lord, I thank You that You are so merciful and forgiving, slow to anger and quick to forgive. I want to be able to forgive, but sometimes I just find it so difficult.
I carry the pain of the hurts inflicted upon me around with me and when I think of those who have hurt me in my life, negative thoughts about them still come to the surface, even when I believe I have forgiven them. Lord, today I want to make the decision to forgive, but I need Your Help. Send Your Spirit upon me, to help me forgive and to free me from any negative thoughts I am carrying in my heart towards those who have wronged me. I know what it is like to need forgiveness, let me have generosity of spirit in forgiving others. Lord, "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us" are words I pray often. Help me to mean those words.
Help me, O Lord, that my eyes may be merciful and forgiving, so that I will never be suspicious or judge by appearances, but always look for what is beautiful in my neighbours’ souls and be of help to them; that my ears maybe merciful and forgiving, so that I will be attentive to my neighbours’ needs, and not indifferent to their pains and complaints; that my tongue may be merciful and forgiving, so that I will never speak badly of others, but have a word of comfort and forgiveness for all; that my hands may be merciful, forgiving and full of good deeds; that my feet may be merciful and forgiving, so that I will hasten to help my neighbour, despite my own fatigue and weariness; that my heart may be merciful and forgiving, so that I myself will share in all the sufferings of my neighbour. As you have been fed, go to feed the hungry. As you have been set free, go to set free those imprisoned by guilt and sin, brokenness and pain. As you have been received – give. As you have heard – proclaim. As you have been forgiven - forgive. And may the blessing which you have received from the Creator be always with you. Let me forgive so that I too may be forgiven. Thank you Lord for your mercy. Amen."