POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY: Anger is sometimes all the rage but there are ways of managing it

OVER the past couple of years, Covid-19 has undoubtedly stirred a range of emotions in all of us.

Aside from the more obvious ones such as anxiety, fear, apprehension, frustration and sadness, anger is another feeling that many of us have had to grapple with at times. Maybe it is anger at the virus, at its impact on our health, our lives, our livelihoods, our experiences of school, college, work, our social lives and daily routines.

Families have been under considerable pressure and many people are finding that they are angry at others and their behaviour as they try and navigate the ongoing global pandemic.

We may not like the experience of it, but anger is a basic human emotion as valid as any other. It is related to the fight/flight/freeze response of the sympathetic nervous system.

When we experience anger our inclination is often to either externalise it and react impulsively or alternatively to internalise it, that is, deny it or bottle it up. Neither method is good for our mental or physical health.

It is normal to feel angry when someone or something hurts or upsets us; however, it is the degree and frequency and whether anger is interfering with relationships at home, at work, with social interaction and daily life generally, that is important. If it interferes with daily functioning and with relationships, it is becoming problematic.

Moreover, anger is hard on the body. Since it is linked to arousal in our sympathetic nervous system, it often results in elevated blood pressure, heart palpitations, increased muscular tension, decreased immune system functioning and fatigue.

The more chronic the anger, the greater the impact on the body. These symptoms are also identical to anxiety symptoms which makes sense because anxiety is also connected with sympathetic nervous system arousal.

The psychological literature also documents the impact of anger on the brain; basically, prolonged release of the stress hormones that accompany anger can damage neurons in areas of the brain that are associated with judgement, problem-solving and short-term memory. In other words, the logical part of the brain gets overridden by the emotional part.

Anger is often linked to other difficult emotions. If anger drives impulsive, hasty behaviour or makes us say things we may later regret, we often feel a sense of shame or humiliation afterwards.

Shame, the emotion that makes people feel “I am bad”, often in turn leads to depressive thoughts and can trigger depression. Anger can often result in self-medicating with alcohol which obviously can mean a whole other set of problems.

So how best can we manage this very normal human emotion, so that we can be aware of it, allow it but not be swept up in it?

There are a number of psychological techniques that have developed over the years. Anger management techniques include helping the client to recognise what triggers anger in the first place, how they usually respond and what is the outcome of that response.

Learning and practising techniques for managing anger is important to do at a time when the person is calm and focussed. Stepping out of a heated or confrontational situation by giving ourselves “a time-out” and a cool down period is often useful in the short-term.

Other simple immediate techniques include distracting ourselves by counting; try counting backwards from 1,000 to 0 in sevens, so 1,000, 993, 986 and so on.

Taking a few deep breaths can be helpful as this stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system (our rest and digest response). When we breathe deeply we trigger a chain of bodily reactions that result in the production of acetylcholine, a relaxant.

A tried and tested stress management technique, called progressive muscular relaxation, if practised regularly, can help us to become less reactive and more considered and responsive when we are dealing with stressful situations.

Exercise can be very useful. As mentioned above, we produce adrenaline when we are angry. Adrenaline is needed if we are about to engage in combat, run from a charging bull or run a race.

However, excess adrenaline in the body needs to be channelled and physical exercise such as a run or a brisk walk, can provide this outlet. Some people find punching a punchbag or even a pillow helps them.

Less physical techniques such as listening to music or writing about what is making us angry can also work. Managing our own negative thoughts about situations or circumstances can help us avoid jumping to conclusions, keep things in proportion, avoid blaming others or mind-reading.

The psychological research on the application of mindfulness to anger management is also encouraging.

Mindfulness can help us as it encourages us to be open to and pay attention to our emotions, thoughts, bodily sensations and the judgements that we often make. Mindfulness urges us not to resist these as “what we resist, persists”. Rather to notice, acknowledge, label and allow them to be there, without giving them the full dance floor. Notice and then purposely move attention elsewhere if the situation allows. This can be achieved by doing something physicial or absorbing, anything that engages the mind, even something as simple as completing a crossword in the newspaper.

Mindfulness slows us and our thoughts down. This is a good thing as it allows us to respond rather than react impulsively to people or situations.

We learn to respond and take the time to decide how we are going to act. This is preferable to the knee-jerk reaction that comes when we get caught up in our thoughts and emotions. Meditation, when practised over time, helps soothe the amygdala, that part of the brain that sets off stress response, resulting in emotions such as anger and anxiety.

It is important not to bury or push anger away. If necessary, with a therapist, we can explore if there is a specific issue, current or from the past that is triggering the anger and maintaining it. Effective psychological therapy targets the root cause as well as the symptoms.

It is important to bring some self-compassion to ourselves when we feel angry. Anger does not feel good but instead of trying to resist it, try to hold it compassionately in awareness and breathe into it.

When we bring calm observation to an emotion instead of engaging with worry thoughts, it is amazing how quickly the emotion actually begins to subside.

Julie O’Flaherty and Imelda Ferguson are chartered clinical psychologists, both based in private practice in Tullamore. Through Mind Your Self Midlands, they run courses on Positive Psychology and Mindfulness through the year. They can be contacted through the Psychological Society of Ireland www.psychologicalsociety.ie (Find a Psychologist section) or on their Facebook page, Mind Your Self Midlands.