Positive Parenting: What is positive parenting?
AS PARENTS, we all hear this term “positive parenting” but are not very sure what it means.
Positive parenting approaches look establish boundaries and tune in to your child’s needs. This means trying to plan around giving children choices. It doesn’t mean you can’t say no to your child, but rather having clear rules and boundaries within the choices you offer them. This can reinforce the behaviour you want to see in your children.
Tusla’s 24Seven Parenting website outlines a supportive way to be a positive parent, following the CRISPS approach: Consistency; Rewards; Interest; Structure; Positivity; Specific.
Consistency
Children need rules and boundaries to thrive. Parents should be consistent in these rules and consequences for children. It doesn’t make sense to offer idle threats such as “no TV for the rest of the week” when you know you will break this and let them have TV at some point during the week. When making household rules, they cannot change from day to day and you must follow through on it, so instead make it something achievable. You should also make sure that all caregivers (partners, childminders, grandparents etc.) agree on the rules and although it won’t work every time, try to achieve it at least 80% of the time.
Rewards
Positive parenting uses rewards to reinforce the behaviours you want from your child, rather than punishing them for something they did. Children need attention and will repeat behaviours that gives them attention. Rewards can be a hug, some quality time playing together, a story or a sticker. Parents should avoid rewards that can be bought or eaten, so as not to confuse children.
Interest
Positive parents show an interest in what their child says, does, thinks and feels. “Beneath every behaviour there is a feeling, and beneath each feeling is a need. When we meet that need rather than focus on the behaviour, we begin to deal with the cause not the symptom.”
Structure
Structure can help a lot with children’s behaviours as it helps them to know what is happening next.
This can be done through a routine for getting up, meals and bedime; organising a play space such as a quiet den; or just a conversation around the planned activities for the day and giving explanations.
Positive
Being positive doesn’t mean never saying no to your child.
Instead it means trying to turn our phrases of what children cannot do, such as “stop running” try to turn it into what the child can do, such as “walk to the table.”
Specific
If you want to let a child know what they can do, be specific about it.
Try not to say a vague “stop messing” but choose your words wisely, letting them know the boundaries e.g., “you can play with your cars on the floor.”
Other ways to be a more positive parent
Focus on the things your child does well, instead of focusing what they are not doing well. Make comments on them, such as “Well done for putting those toys back in the box.” This verbal feedback and acknowledgement is the type of attention that children crave, which is easy once put into practice and tuning in to your child.
Northside Family Resource Centre runs a suite of Parents Plus throughout the year focused on all of the above in 6-8 week programmes such as Healthy Families, Early Years and Children’s Programme aimed at parents of 0–12-year-old children living on the Northside of Limerick. For more information or to register your interest contact Rosie Donelan at 061-326623 or [email protected]
This article was contributed by Rosie Donelan, Family Support Worker with Northside FRC and a member of Parenting Limerick. For more information go to www.loveparenting.ie