Open house policy served the McNamara family well

If the Collins dancehall in Clonmel hadn't burned down back in 1970, Kathleen O’Connell and Johnny McNamara might never have met. Kathleen would have gone to The Collins dancehall as usual, and not the Arcadia Ballroom in Cahir instead.

And if there hadn't been a bus going to the Arcadia, she could just as easily have gone to the great dance halls in Carrick-on-Suir instead.

Furthermore, if Johnny McNamara had acted on his idea to follow his brother Tom to Australia, he wouldn't even have been in Ireland that night, much less the Arcadia Ballroom.

That night, as the two headed out, far apart from each other, they were completely unaware that fate and the universe had big plans for them and had conspired to bring them together. It was just meant to be.

"That was the start of it," says Johnny, adding that he has often heard, there is "no such thing as coincidence". Australia got pushed to the side, fate had its way and the two married in 1972.

They moved into their first home in "Love Lane" (I kid you not) in Tramore town. Johnny, a carpenter by trade, never had problems finding work but around Clonmel he is known both as ‘Johnny the Carpenter’ or ‘Johnny Mac the Musician’ and as early as 1967 he was playing guitar with local band The Pilots.

Music would always be a presence in the lives of the family. A year later they moved back to Kathleen’s home village of Marlfield with their first son Liam.

Kathleen’s parents worked for the Bagwell family of Marlfield Estate, and she had known the Bagwells and their staff since she was a child. They were immediately invited to move into the empty Butlers' apartment in the "big house" to act as caretakers during the Bagwell’s many trips and holidays.

They both have wonderful memories and stories from those early days. despite one or two resident ghosts. They were both very busy but always found time for fun. Johnny had moved to The Joe Malley Band by then and Kathleen began working part time for the Bagwells.

The family was growing with Sean, Noel and Orla born while living on the estate. In 1977 an unexpected opportunity arose to buy the house which has become "home of the McNamara’s".

It was owned by the Estate and needed renovation, but its purchase became a milestone in the lives of the family. The big move was made. They threw themselves into their work and raising their young family.

Both remembered their own childhoods as carefree and full of freedom: long days in fields and woods, ponds and rivers, skittles, marbles and friends to play with. This was the life they sought for their kids and so began a philosophy of leaving their door open to anyone their kids would bring to it.

They brought a lot, and all were made welcome. Kathleen calls it their "open house policy" and remembers the house as always buzzing, with kids everywhere. She loved it. To this day, many of those "visitors" are still coming.

By the early 80s it was still carpentry by day for Johnny, and by night, playing with bands like Hidden Glitter and the much-loved Serenaders. Kathleen became a member of the Village Committee and helped in the setting up of “the social fund" to provide kids and seniors with proper activities, trips and entertainment. She particularly remembers her good friend, the late Elsie Cronin during that time.

The last two kids, Paul and Sarah were born, and the family was complete. They all thrived and "it was a happy house with everyone getting on as well as any family can.” I enquire about "lessons learned" in creating that closeness and wonder what advice could be passed on? There must have been "slings and arrows" to contend with, like any family, and maybe the odd “bear or wolf. "

“Of course, there was", says Kathleen, "issues would arise" but she credits Johnny in particular, with being very proactive in that regard.

"Grievances should be aired as soon as possible" he says.

"You have to deal with them straight away, before they get worse and more difficult to solve. There will be times when kids seem to be going astray, and even though it may be unpopular at the time you must provide the guidance that they need".

There was some tragedy too. In 1987 Johnny’s mother was visiting her son Thomas in Australia when she was killed in a dreadful car accident. It was a huge blow to the McNamara family at the time and required all their fortitude. Unfortunately, some years later Thomas himself became very ill and passed away in 2007. Both are always in their thoughts. Though interred in Sydney the family visit their graves as often as they can, and plan to do so again in the coming year.

By the 1990s Johnny Mac was going solo with the music, playing, and writing songs. The kids were older, and a lot of the child rearing was done. Johnny and Kathleen had the strange experience of having time to do other things. The open house idea was carved in stone by now and still serving them well. McNamara’s continued to be a busy spot for entertaining.

Kathleen decided to return to paid employment, taking a job as a home care attendant with the HSE. This was work she found very satisfying, especially the interaction with people and helping them through their days. Johnny renewed his long-held passion for vintage cars and managed to purchase a few which he restored and continues to dote on.

There were some musical milestones reached during this time for Johnny. He played at the Point in Dublin with The Pogues, an appearance with Derek Davis on Live at 3, and advancing to the final stages of The All-Ireland Talent Show in 2011. He received huge support from the Marlfield community at that time.

"A full bus load went up for the last stage, and the craic was mighty" he says.

Travel and holidays have also become a more regular occurrence, although family holidays were always considered important. I hear stories of early holidays, mostly around Ireland. These evoke the fondest of memories and bring roars of laughter, particularly from Kathleen.

Hers is a very infectious laugh and has been the backdrop to all our discussions this evening. Johnny’s is more of a chuckle, but on his face is a constant sage like grin. It becomes ever clearer to me as the evening goes on that the strongest characteristics of the McNamara’s are a love of people (almost everyone) and finding fun in everything they do.

They love their travels and especially enjoy the people they meet along the way: Spain, India, Malaysia, Bali, and they clearly loved every bit of it. Whilst we all enjoy the excitement of meeting interesting people on our holidays, most of us say goodbye to them when the trip ends, and we never see them again.

But the McNamara’s bring their open house policy on holidays with them. When you have a policy like that you say goodbye to your holiday friends, as usual, but not before inviting them to Marlfield.

Of course, not all of them come but some certainly do, and just like everyone else who goes into that house, they feel the warmth and the welcome and they keep coming back. For years! Forever actually, and sometimes they bring their own friends or families. But that’s all fine with the McNamaras; it’s just normal, and better still if they can sing or play a tune at the sing along nights, which often erupt without warning.

I get the feeling that they don't need much of an excuse for a party here in their open house. On the plus side, the policy has resulted in dozens of long running and deep friendships and invitations to places far and wide (which they accept of course).

The six kids are well grown up now and "about twelve grandkids” says Johnny "and two great-grandkids". He feels very lucky that they are still so close to all the family with only one daughter, Sarah, out of the country.

So, be careful if you are going to visit the McNamara’s out in Marlfield but do go if you’re asked. People who go there want to keep going back, and that could easily happen to you too.

There will be tea and cake, and several guitars lying around and a lot of infectious hearty laughter. I have had a wonderful visit and enjoyed getting to know them and hearing the many stories from their lives.

Their next trip is to Italy, so presumably there will be some Italians around Marlfield next summer . . . and the one after that.

FAMILIES OF CLONMEL

Clonmel Applefest, in conjunction with The Nationalist are delighted to share the ten stories that comprise its ‘Families of Clonmel’ book launched during last September’s Applefest.

Ten families originally from or who have lived in Clonmel for at least 10 years are included in the book for which nominations were sought and secured after a lengthy selection process.

For each cohort, the family head was interviewed in their homes with a final photograph by John D. Kelly included with the wider multigenerational family.

Families come from a wide spectrum of backgrounds, from well-established Clonmel natives to more recently arrived families. Included in the book are: The Burkes, Caseys, Dempseys, Gleesons, Hacketts, Hewitts, Mcnamaras, Molloys, Purcells, and Sheikhs. All shared what they enjoy doing together and why family is important to them.

This project would not have been possible without the participation of a vibrant cohort of locally-based committed community writers who took an interest, interviewed and wrote about the selected families under the mentorship of Sean O’Connor, an accomplished writer and editor from Nenagh.

This ambitious project was made possible with a grant from the Arts Council of Ireland and additional support from Age-Friendly Tipperary and The Museum of Hidden Histories.

The festival theme in 2025 was ‘The Ties that Bind’ and these stories demonstrate love, humour and caring in a very real and meaningful way. Copies of the book can be purchased for € 12 at Hickey’s Bakery, the Narrow Space Gallery and Chou’s Cottage (including via shops’ websites).

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About the writer - Vincent Kiely

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Vincent Kiely is a writer and storyteller from Moyne, near Thurles. He is a lover of what he calls “creative oral storytelling.”

He is a member of “The Gab” storytellers in Cork, and of “The Storytellers of Ireland.” He is a volunteer tour guide at Holycross Abbey and has a keen interest in medieval history.