CEO who dreamed of being a mum but had miscarriage after IVF finds new ‘purpose in life’ through work and Dobermans

A chief executive whose dream of becoming a mother was taken away from her after three unsuccessful rounds of IVF, including one miscarriage, has since found a new “purpose in life” through setting up her own business and said life can still be “fulfilling” after loss.

Kellie Simpson, 40, who lives in Devon with her husband, Graham, 45, a railway engineer, said she grew up around children and babies as her mother was a childminder, and when she envisioned her own future she saw herself having a family of her own one day.

She was not able to conceive naturally, and so in 2011 she started her fertility journey, which consisted of three rounds of IVF – but devastatingly each one was unsuccessful.

She said she felt “real sadness” and frustration and did not know what her future held – but when Graham was presented with the opportunity to work in Taiwan, Kellie took a leap of faith and moved out there with him, giving her the opportunity to travel the world.

She has since set up her own business in the UK, Kellie Simpson Virtual Business Support, which brings her “so much joy”, and has two Dobermans – and although being a mother “wasn’t meant to be”, she has found happiness through other means and said her business and dogs are now “her babies”.

“I experienced what it felt like to be pregnant for six to eight weeks of my life,” Kellie said.

“It didn’t work out and it wasn’t meant to be… but for me it ended in a positive way because we got to do something else truly amazing.”

She added: “You’ve just got to do things that make you feel happy, and if IVF is unsuccessful, I think I would just say that life is really short, so go out and live every day as if it’s your last because no-one knows how long they’re going to be here for.”

Kellie worked as a PA in the legal industry for many years and met Graham through a colleague at a party, and she said it was “love at first sight”.

The couple moved in together nine months later and, when Kellie was 28, they started to try for a baby.

Given that Kellie had been diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome – which can cause pregnancy complications – she knew it might be difficult to conceive naturally, but she tried treatments, such as acupuncture, to help improve her fertility.

Since “nothing was really working”, she was referred to a fertility clinic and was told she was possibly in early menopause and would not be able to get pregnant naturally.

Kellie said: “I remember leaving that appointment, driving home, absolutely in floods of tears, just thinking ‘Oh my God, I’m never going to be able to have my own baby’.”

After a second appointment, Kellie was then told that her egg count was in fact very high, and so she began her first round of IVF on the NHS in 2011.

This was unsuccessful but, with two more rounds left, she was hopeful that she could still get pregnant.

She continued: “The second round was unsuccessful, but the third round really sticks with me because I ended up with ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome.

“Basically, my ovaries got overstimulated from the drugs, and I ended up in hospital for a week.

“I had to have a drain put into my stomach because I had to slow the fluid; my stomach was getting bigger and bigger.

“It was just horrible, I was really, really sick.

“They wheeled me down to the scan room, which is where all the pregnant ladies come in to have their baby scans… but I was there for totally different reasons.”

Kellie said she questioned whether she wanted to try again but, after doctors decided to freeze her eggs while she recovered, she commenced her third round of IVF in 2013.

She said she did not think it was going to be successful but, to her disbelief, she took a pregnancy test and it was positive, which she said “was the most amazing thing ever”.

Kellie experienced “a rollercoaster of emotions” and said her family and friends were “ecstatic” after hearing the news.

However, after eight weeks of pregnancy, Kellie started bleeding again and she miscarried.

“I just remember going to the toilet and seeing blood, and it’s just the frightening, scared feelings of ‘Oh, no, this can’t be happening, this can’t be happening’,” she said.

“You’re always hoping that it might just be some implantation bleeding, or it’s going to be fine, but then it starts getting heavier and you just know that that’s it.

“I cried a lot back then… and I think the hardest part of it is everyone seems to be getting pregnant and you can’t, and it’s like, what’s wrong with me?”

Kellie felt “real sadness”, anger and frustration, and she also experienced feelings of guilt and blame because she “could not provide a baby” for Graham, who wanted to be a father.

However, she said Graham, her family and friends were “really supportive”, and she did not want to “dwell on things and stay in the past”.

Three months later, the Taiwan opportunity came along – and, while Kellie was nervous about moving abroad, she said this adventure was “the therapy” she needed to help her “move on”.

The couple ended up spending two years living in Taiwan and two years in Hong Kong, and during this time Kellie learned the basics of Mandarin, went scuba diving, made new friendships, and did a Management and Leadership Diploma. She said it was “amazing”.

“I just felt I was this independent, strong woman out in the world,” she said.

“I found it really empowering being able to travel across the world, and that really gave me a sense of purpose… and I think it really just moved me forward with life.”

Kellie and Graham moved back to the UK in 2017, and she got a job as a senior PA for an international law firm in Bristol on a fixed-term 12-month contract.

While looking for a new role, she came across virtual assistants and this sparked her desire to set up her own business in this field.

Given that she had always wanted to have a dog and work from home, she felt starting her own company could make those dreams a reality – and, “after the seed was planted” in January 2018, she launched Kellie Simpson Virtual Business Support in October that year.

Five years later, the business has gone from strength to strength and has expanded into other sectors, including finance, medical, and property, and Kellie has recently hired her 19th associate. She also hopes to one day launch her own mentoring programme.

While Kellie does still think about being a mother, she said she is “so proud” of what she has achieved, and she wants to send a message that it is important to find a purpose in life and seize every opportunity, as no-one knows what is around the corner.

“Just because you can’t have a baby, there are so many other opportunities out there,” she said.

“For me, my purpose in life now is just to be a good mum to the dogs – they’ve given me so much joy – and I find my business just gives me so much joy.

“I’ve got purposes in life now, and I think that’s what everyone needs.”

To find out more about Kellie’s business, visit: kelliesimpsonlegal.co.uk